Phil doesn't have any children of his own, so he sees Tommy as his own son. Saw. God. Saw.
Phil sees the pictures of Tommy in his hand and cries. This is all that's left of Tommy. Tommy now only lives through old photos and video footage.
When Phil got off of the phone with Tommy's sorrowful parents, his heart shattered into a million pieces. His entire world stopped, and despite Kristen's frantic questions, he couldn't ground himself. Not until the phone call. Wilbur's call.
Phil couldn't tell him, but he had to. He had to tell Wilbur. So he answered, and through broken sobs explained, through the corner of his eye he could see Kristen's face of worry morph into one of horror. He heard Wilbur's silence as he finally excepted the truth. He cried harder.
The days leading up to the funeral were horrible. Not as horrible as it must have been as a teenager, no, child in the hospital excepting death.
Phil doesn't crack a smile for days.
When able sisters plays at the wake Phil chuckles despite the pain in his chest, that's so utterly Tommy it hurts.
But the body in the casket isn't. He knows it's Tommy, but it's not Tommy. Not the excitable, rambunctious, teenager Tommy was. Phil doesn't even want to look at him. He forced himself to anyway, and even though he wants to, he can't look away.
Standing there staring at Tommy's lifeless body, Phil can't help but notice how neat he looks. His gelled hair, clean face, and ironed suit. Tommy was never neat. His hair was alway a mess, and he never dressed up. Phil glances at his phone, and the screen lights. An image taunting him and flashing harsh light in his burning eyes. The picture was one of him and Wilbur sitting in a booth with tacos, Tommy smiling at Phil with his face full of food. He was a kid. He was only seventeen.
Phil has so many questions.
How is Tommy laying there so still? How does he look so peaceful? How does he look so completely and utterly not Tommy. His face blank and expressionless. Tommy was the most expressive kid he knew. He couldn't hide his emotions if he tried. Maybe he could.
But most importantly, how could Phil not notice? That seems to be the thing that's been eating at him since he heard the news.
How could Phil not notice?
How could Phil not notice when he began running out of breath quicker? How could Phil not notice when his hearty cackles started sounding painful? How could he not notice when he seemed so tired? How could he not notice when his light began to fade?
How could Phil not notice?
He has other questions too, though. How long did Tommy hide this? How did Tommy hide this? Why didn't he tell him? Why didn't he tell anyone? Did he feel like he couldn't? How could Phil look past all of the warning signs, writing it off as stress or tiredness? How could Tommy be sick? How could Tommy die so young? How could Tommy die before him?
Phil was supposed to watch his channel grow. Phil was supposed to be at his wedding. Phil was supposed to hold his first child. Phil was supposed to watch him grow up.
Why didn't Phil deserve that? Why didn't Tommy deserve that?
Will Phil's heart ever feel whole again? Does he deserve that? After abandoning him, and failing to notice when he was dying?
Maybe after a while, with the help of Kristen Wilbur, and Techno, he could pick up the pieces and reassemble what has been broken, but there will always be a price missing. That piece is dead. That piece is Tommy.
Does he serve that?
Sorry this took so long, I wasn't feeling it😭
YOU ARE READING
I don't think I want to leave you here alone
Short StoryTitle from Wilbur Soot's 'I'm Sorry Boris' Tommy had always been sick as a child. He was always the 'sick kid' and 'fighter', but what people didn't know was that he didn't want to fight anymore. It took too much energy that he didn't have anymore...
