Ivory Estelliana Claudel
It's almost midnight but I'm still here outside the arena, waiting and hoping for Forester to come out so I could greet him on his birthday. Although I expected na hindi sila agad na lalabas dahil paniguradong nagcecelebrate pa sila ng birthday niya.
Ni hindi ko man lang alam na ngayon pala ang birthday niya. I feel so mean. Wala akong dalawang birthday for him because I didn't know anything about him. I regret that I didn't pay attention to him. I feel bad.
Isang oras na ang nagdaan mula noong matapos ang nakakaaliw at nakakabaliw nilang concert. Hindi ako pa rin ako makaget-over dahil iba talaga kapag nakikita mo silang magperform live. I mean, this is not my first time seeing them perform live. But this is definitely the first time that I'd paid attention to Forester more during their performance.
In which I hadn't done before because he was my least favourite member of the band.
I waited fifteen minutes more pero hindi pa talaga sila lumalabas. I sighed and started walking towards the direction of the seaside just in front of the arena where they had their concert. Marami-rami pa ang tao sa paligid at pinangungunahan iyon ng fans ng Altissimo cousins. Ang naririnig kong usap-usapan nila ay patungkol pa rin sa nangyaring concert kanina ng magpipinsan.
Umupo ako sa semento and I shivered when the cold sea breeze blew. Nililipad nito ang mahaba at maalon-alon kong buhok kaya sinikop ko ang mga ito at nilagay sa kabilang balikat ko dahil wala akong dalang pantali ng buhok. I held my hair in place para hindi na ito liparin pang muli ng simoy ng hangin.
I realized how high the Altissimo cousins are. They're so hard to reach and they're literally under the spotlight since birth. Ikaw ba naman sumunod sa pamilya mong dati ring sikat na banda noong kapanahunan nila?
Na-realize ko kung gaano sila kalayo sa akin. Yes, I may have millions of followers on Wattpad, marami man akong readers pero mas lamang pa rin sila sa akin sa kahit anong aspeto ng buhay.
They're above me in so many ways.
Isa pa, hindi pa rin ako gaanong kilala ng mga readers ko kahit ilang taon na akong nagsusulat. I wanted to hide my identity to the public, as per my mother's favor in exchange for my freedom to create fiction novels that would bring readers to a whole new world—like a temporary escape to reality, and hopefully bring comfort towards them. I am famous but the readers doesn't know who I really am behind the screens.
Napaisip ako. Paano kung dahil sa unti-unting pagiging malapit at kumportable namin ni Forester sa isa't isa ay tuluyan na akong maaattach sa kanya? Anong gagawin ko? He's always under the spotlight. Kabaligtaran ko naman na ayaw ng masyadong atensyon.
Hindi man halata ngunit I am a very awkward person. It's hard for me to socialize with people dahil sabihin na nating introvert ako. Isa pa, I am not comfortable kapag pinag-uusapan ng mga tao ang personal kong buhay.
Hindi ko yata kakayanin kung maging matunog ang pangalan at mukha ko. Halos manginig nga ako noong naging usapan ako ng fans ng ALT dahil sa paggagawi ni Forest sa school namin dahil sa akin. Thankfully naman ay hindi na ulit pinag-usapan iyon ng mga tao simula noong patago na kaming nagkikita ni Forester.
Bakit nga ba kami patagong nagkikita? Oh. It's because he wanted to get to know me pero ayaw kong makita ulit kami ng maraming tao na magkasama dahil hindi ko gusto ang atensyon na natatanggap ko.
It sounds like a clandestine affair. What the hell?
After minutes of staring at the vast ocean before me, I decided to fish my phone out of my pocket. Binuksan ko ang Instagram at naisipang kuhanan ng litrato ang karagatan.
