Love is for Losers

Chapter 7

-Abagail  

*Warning: Explicit language

         I'm shaking in panic. I yell for Jess to stop the car and slam my hands against the dash. I stare at her intensly after she slams on the gas. She stares back at me, confused, then she quickly looks back at the car seat and the groans. She quickly starts the car and speeds back to the apartment. The originally twenty-five minute drive back turns into a 17 minute drive. I guess there's no one to pull us over because all the officers are probably dead or fighting.  

     When we pull into the lot of the apartment complex, I jump out and sprint into the apartment. Nearly tripping over my own feet as I run up the stairs. The door to our apartment area is open and the house is trashed. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. The door to Mia and I's room is dented and open. The room is the best in shape destruction wise. As I approach the crib, I see that it's empty besides the torn blanket and a bit of blood on the wood. 

     Tears stream down my cheeks and I grab the edge of the crib to steady myself. Mostly because right now, I feel like my heart just got torn out of my chest and I'm about to collapse. Well, I am now without the only thing worth living for. Who cares anymore?. I allow myself to collapse onto the floor and scream. My entire body hurting so I curl up in a ball and allow myself to sob. There are gentle foot steps into the room, I don't care who it is. Although I know it's probably Jessica but I still don't get up. I don't move. I allow myself to cry for a very long time. 

      Once I'm sniffling and my entire body aches, Jess touches my back and whispers sadly, "Ab, we gotta go." I look up at her, suddenly angry, saying "What's the fucking point anymore?" Jess smiles sadly then holds her hand out to me. I glance at her and her hand, then push myself up. She frowns for a split second then puts on a overly fake smile. We walk back through the place we've lived, trashed, and back to the car. She opens the door of the passenger side and closes it when I'm in. She takes the time to move the car seat out of the backseat and to a compartment hiden under the car. Then she climbs into the drivers seat, pats me hand, and starts the car. I just stare at my hands that lie in my lap. 

        My baby girl is gone. I could only imagine the horrible way she was killed. I'm so stupid for forgetting her. How did I forget her? I remember the pain I felt when I pushed that chubby baby out of my body. How during that moment, I regretted not going in debt due to an abortion. Then when I saw her, my life got flipped upside down and all I wanted to do is to protect and care for her. I have failed that commitment. Broke that promise. I'm the worst parent ever and I hate myself. I will never be able to forgive myself.