The Best of Me

A Thought Before I Say Goodnight

I pointed out today to someone close to me that I am only human. I get burned out. I fall down and hurt myself. I procrastinate because I don't feel great. I'm not an angel or some supernatural being. I'm just a little girl going through a tiresome trial called high school.

I told someone (not as close to me as the first) today a tiny part of my past. A brief summary of the drama I'd experienced in life when I had left the town of rolling hills to an unknown part of a large and famous city. He was appalled... or at least so it seemed.

I am a strong person. I'm not bragging about it or anything, I'm simply stating a fact. I am a strong human, tough as nails sometimes and I've lived through life and such. I've always saved myself...

...but sometimes I wish I was weak. That I wasn't as strong as I am, not so I wouldn't have to deal with pain, but so I could be saved, so I wouldn't have to save myself.

Every girl at some point in life was told stories of true love and knights in shining armor. Every girl at some point has wished to be rescued by their gallant prince. Whoever they are. Wherever they are. No matter who they are now or what they were before, this is what they wished for once upon a time, to be saved rather than to do the saving.

I am wishing that, right now. As odd and as stupid as it seems at the moment I'll admit that this is true. Right now, I wish that I could be that clueless princess in the typical storybooks, just standing there, not knowing what evil is, but rather what evil could be. Not understanding cruelty, but being in the midst of it. Not really being sure of the things I say or what happens to me, but at last I know a man with his sword and noble steed his riding in the night, coming for me.

But why do I need a man? The enemy has been careless! He's allowed his sword to be unattended! I can escape! Why is it that most choose to stay?

It is a simple answer. They want someone to save them, not the other way around. It isn't purely because of laziness, it is simply because of fear.

Fear of failure.

Fear of escape.

Fear of death.

Fear of life.

What would the others think of me if I escaped and did not allow Prince charming to save me? What would he think? What would the world think? Reality would let this happen, but what of imagination?

Fear.

I want to cower and allow someone else to be brave, to be the courageous one. I want to be the fair maiden who is kind and gets captured by Hate and Revenge.

I want to be saved.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the ability to be strong on demand. Everyone has the ability to be strong, but not all possess it on a daily basis. Some don't need to, but most do- and they allow fear to drive them away from their goals in life; to truly be alive.

So I say to you as I say this to myself... be strong and be brave! Be full of integrity! But also be gentle and kind. Do not forget the balance the world has given you to uphold.

Do not forget who you are.

~ blondeclarinet14