Crumbling Down

Sinners or Saints?

It's been months of going through the motions of life, school, seeing Luka, photoshoots and extra lessons; and now it's finally Christmas time. Jolly tunes are sung throughout the day, on the radio, by caroler's and by almost every shop on the block. Thanks to my father, I'm busy as ever, modelling his winter line for the thousands of fangirls to oogle at. One good thing to come of it, is that I get to be fully clothed, compared to those during the summer. 

on another note Anarka and Juleka are wonderful, they treat me as family now; also rose because shortly after Luka and I came out Juleka did too, then started dating rose. Again none of our other friends know, since we haven't the chance to gauge how they'd react to finding out that we're lgbtq+; after all Akuma's are much more interesting and take up much more time. Trust me on that one, after all, I'm Chat Noir. 

Ladybug and I have been busy dealing with all the Akuma's this past month, with emotions running high; it's been hard to keep my being Chat noir from Luka. I should just tell him, it's getting out of hand how many random excuses I make. At the moment I think he thinks that I'm some kind of massive superhero fan, which is all well and good but, I'm not, I'm lying to him. I'm going to tell him; soon. Just as long as ladybug doesn't find out I'll be fine.

I shouldn't lie to her but it just doesn't feel right keeping this big part of me from Luka, and I think that it'll hurt me less in the long run and hurt Luka less in the long run if I just tell him now. 

I guess it's time to formulate a plan to get this over with. Now I wonder should I make it seem like an accident to appease ladybug and tell Luka or just tell Luka and make it seem like it was on my terms and that I fully intended on him knowing? Both aren't great options as they will only really appease one person. Guess it's up to me to decide which is more important, my miraculous, my source of freedom or my wonderful loving boyfriend? 

It's not a hard choice, it's just that one enables the other and if it's gone, I feel like I'll spiral too far out of control. 

Srcew it! I'm just going to tell him, consequences of Ladybug finding out be damned; I'll be out of my father's house in three years' time. 

I think that I'll tell him just after Christmas, as my father won't let me out of the house on Christmas because I'm supposed to be 'celebrating' how I'm supposed to do that by myself I have no idea. Though the day after Christmas I get to celebrate with Luka; I even managed to get Natalie's permission to stay the night, though that was mainly because I have two back-to-back photoshoots the day before; yes even on Christmas my father has me booked for photoshoots. I'm glad that Natalie seems to understand that I don't like them all that much. 

Which makes sense as it takes a lot for Vincent to get me to smile, also with every passing photoshoot it takes longer and longer to paste a smile on my face. It's getting harder and harder to pretend that I like or even enjoy having my picture taken; especially when my father has something to do with it. 

Luckily enough my friends haven't noticed, 'cause if they did, I should pretty much consider myself under interrogation; well in regards to Alya, Nino is rather laid back and probably wouldn't say much either which way. Mari... well Mari seems, well different around me to say the least, best I can describe it is nervous, I'm still working out why; though I have a running theory: she likes me. I could probably ask Nino to confirm but I don't exactly feel like opening that can of worms.

The next few weeks are a blur, going to photoshoots, spending time with my friends, and most importantly Luka. Well, I also spent some of my time, fighting Akumas with Ladybug, though I have been forgetting to go on patrol with her more and more since I've been texting with Luka 'till all hours of the night. She hasn't said anything as of yet but I have a feeling she'll say something before long.