Crumbling Down

Guilt

I spent the morning attempting to avoid my friends until lunch though I could tell Mari and Alya were whispering about my odd behaviour. I just didn't want to deal with all the questions because I feel as if I'm unable to have any secrets around them, and I don't want to be pressured into telling them anything I'm not ready to. Such as the fact that I'm very, VERY gay and am happily dating Luka.

All through class Nino was throwing me concerned looks since I'd been avoiding him before class. Although, I wasn't so much of an ass, as to ignore him, even if I was pretty avoidant for most of the morning. 

"Seriously, Dude, are you okay?" Nino whispers.

"Yeah, Nino, I'm good, don't worry about it I just need some time right now, yesterday was a busy day," I whisper back.

"Ohhh, okay Dude, whatever you need," he says throwing me a small smile. 

"Thanks, Nino I appreciate it."

"No problem"

I feel a little better at that, I didn't want to hurt Nino but I don't feel very sociable at the moment-- well, I want to see Luka, but no one else. Luka is safe and he comforts me, I feel like I can be more of myself around him than I can around even Nino; I'm not counting Marinette and Alya because we're not exactly very close. Sure I've helped them with some projects a few times, and they chat with Nino and me often enough, but I don't know them. Mari is good at Ultimate Mecha Strike III and fashion design while Alya loves journalism, otherwise, I don't know very much about them. 

It would probably have helped if I was able to go out with my friends more often. Though there is the fact that Alya doesn't seem to respect when someone has a secret and Marinette follows right along. 

I have some secrets that need to stay... well, secret. It could hurt me. 

WILL hurt me if they do. 

The bell soon rings, signalling to me that it's lunchtime. I hurriedly pack my things and book it out of the classroom and evidently through the main gates of the school. I ignore Nino, Alya and Mari's calls to wait up; as there is one goal on my mind: Make it to the cafe without the others following. 

Once I'm out of sight of the school I slow my pace to more of a speed walk and continue on to the Cafe Luka and I agreed to meet at. It's a small place kind of in the middle of where our two schools are. Speaking of schools, I think that it's pretty cool that Luka managed to get into one of the most prestigious musical arts high schools in Paris. His mother says that an anonymous benefactor is paying for his schooling which is pretty cool if I do say so myself.  I'm happy that someone else realized just how good he is with instruments and is willing to help him get the best education he can in his field of interest. 

Hearing that little bell ring as I enter the cafe makes me feel both elated and guilty. For one i get to be myself with the boy who I'm pretty sure I love; But on the other hand, I just ditched my friends after acting weird. 

I'm totally going to get interrogated at the next opportunity I mentally groan.

Glancing around I look for Luka only to hear the bell ring behind me and a soft hand grasping my own. 

"Hey Buttercup." He whispers into my ear.

Smiling I reply with "You scared me bluebell, let's go find a seat."

"As you wish," Luka replies.

Not letting go of his hand I drag him over to a table in the back corner that is semi-hidden from the rest of the Cafe. 

We're sitting opposite one another holding hands under the table, even though the Cafe is mostly empty except for a few older folks, there's no guarantee that people who recognize me won't walk in. I feel bad for Luka having to hide because of me, I hope it doesn't weigh on him too much, and I'll understand if ever he wants to stop this.