Estranged

47

Danny felt the same old suffocating cloth of loneliness wrapping itself around him making it hard for him to breath, he stared up at the ceiling blankly while laying down on his bed. The room was lit up by the soft light from night lamp. All the windows inside the room were tightly locked as the wind carried by the night knocked on its glass, Danny remained silent. He felt that old sinking sensation creeping up on him again, the night felt extra cold even inside his room, the only time when his never settling rage turns into a freezing blue cloud of loneliness wrapping its fingers around his neck.

Every time he grew closer to someone, it always seemed like they had something to always over power him, something that always make him feel like he wasn't enough. David had Raheel and then there is Aurora who is one of the strongest women he has ever met so she doesn't need him either. A sigh left his lips as he closed his eyes, giving in to an ocean of thoughts, he silently steed up to the ceiling.

He loved David and Raheel very much. It was him who took the little cupid role at the beginning of high school when he noticed David and Raheel had similar feelings for each other but both were just too stubborn to realise it. He did everything he could hoping that maybe someday they'll finally open their eyes to the truth right in front of them. It didn't quite  surprise him when they started dating by the end of that year. He was happy, he still is,for his brother and his best friend, he was happy.

Even though Danny tease David about his over protectiveness, unknowingly Danny always looked up to David like he was a big brother. And when Raheel came along,he was happy, she was like a sister to him since day one, never did he ever felt any sort of resentment towards Raheel. If anything Danny was grateful to Raheel for making David more happier than Danny could ever imagine.

But something David missed out was how much his absence affected Danny. He didn't really notice how hard it was for Danny to make any friends outside their circle and even inside their circle he felt often left out. Or how much he felt like he didn't belong beside his own twin. Danny really loved the safety he used to get from David when they were younger but somewhere in the journey David found a better person and that thought clawed on Danny, pulling him into a place he could never get out off.

He wanted to feel how it'd be like to be somebody's priority, to be somebody's first choice. A humorless chuckle left his lips at that thought. He felt too dramatic for even thinking these thoughts but he couldn't help it, a part of him always repeated to himself that he'd never be as important to anyone the way they are to him. Aurora's little stunt some days ago brought those old thoughts back, that he worked so hard to bury deep down, no matter how much he tried to suppress these thoughts it came back just like how they used to, the familiar feeling of being replaced by somebody hurt him more than he wanted to admit. It was stupid to think this way, he knew it as well but he couldn't help but doubt if she really wanted to be with him like she claims.

But David was pretty good at showing his priorities when they were younger, his priority was Danny even their parents came after that, Danny have never felt as important as he did when they were younger and he was beside David's side all the time, but time change and with time everything gets replaced, right?

When David bought home trophies, Danny came in with bruises, David was the one that always took up the big brother role and pulled Danny away from every trouble he got in . Danny always knew that his father also preferred David for everything, if he wasn't free then maybe Danny got a chance to help his father with this or that, maybe that was the main reason why he grew closer to his mother than to his father. His mother always had a beautiful smile on her face whenever she saw him, she used to jock that her favourite sport was defending Danny in PTA meetings. He missed her terribly. Her death affected him more than he let out. He became too attached to David's side since then but David and Raheel dating was a bit to early for Danny, he never really got the time to register the idea that maybe his brother is more happy beside Raheel than he will ever be beside Danny, it was very stupid of him to even think that David didn't care about him but he was angry at himself for letting these petty things affect him the way it did.