Divine

XXI

His mother beat the word of God into Eric and his siblings while also saying to always trust the people who came before them, that their  ancestors know best because there's nothing new under the sun. But even they couldn't fathom the pain his was feeling. One child being buried while the other was in the hospital clinging to life. His first baby mama in a psych ward and the other too disgusted with him to even let him help with funeral arrangements. His life was in shambles and he didn't think he could pick up the pieces.

"Man it smells like ass in here." Lucky steps off the elevator his face balled up at the state of his friends apartment. His wife follows collide behind him carrying a bag full of Tupperware and bouncing their son on her hip.

"Lucky please, the man is struggling right now, even though most of it is his fault."

Eric gives a humorless laugh finishing the bottle of casamigos he'd been nursing since he woke up. Lips chapped and his locs dry and matted to his head he looked terrible.

"You need to get up and get dressed. The funeral is today, and it would be in your best interest not to piss Elle off further. You're better be glad she even invited you." Eric scoffs getting to his feet with obvious difficulty.

"I don't need a motherfucking invitation to my daughters funeral. I have every right to be there. I deserve to be there." His voice cracks as tears stream down his ashy face. Yessi places her son in the play pen before pulling Eric into a much needed hug.

"You fucked up. Majorly. But now isn't the time to dwell on that. Now is the time to support Elle. She is a childless mother and I wouldn't wish that type of pain on anyone. She needs you there whether she knows it or not. So sober up wash your funky ass and be man you promised her you'd be. I'll clean up this pig stye and hopefully by the time you get back you'll be in the headspace to talk about your next steps. We're here for you, but if you continue to make a mess of your life we won't stand by and watch. We love you to death Eric but you need to get your life together before it's too late." Eric nods heading to the shower trying to figure out how he'd managed to destroy his life so completely.

***

"To be absence form the body is to be present with the lord. We should not cry at funerals but at births. Nalo was born sleeping. An angel on earth. She was prayed for. She was wanted, but it seems that God was not yet ready to let her go. Blessed or those that mourn because God is a comforter. It is not our place to know that grand scheme of things, but faith is what keeps us on the path to be in the presence of God and our lost loved ones again."

The pastor says more but all Eric can focus on is the impossibly small purple casket being lowered into the ground. Elle stands with her parents and Gift who all have solemn expressions. They each drop purple roses on the caskets. Elle holds her stomach as the first shovel full of dirts is tossed in the hole. She drops to her knees to quick for her people to react. On instinct Eric runs do her. She receives him with open arms as they both desolve into sobs. Their hug is intimate in a way that their touches haven't been before. Their bond fortitude by lose. Even if they were never to be together again they had collaborated on creating a new soul, and even though she hadn't reached her full potential in this life they would both carry their daughters spirit with them for ten rest of their lives.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there. I'm sorry that I couldn't or wouldn't be the man you needed me to be. I'm sorry that you don't have a baby that looks like me so get on your nerves. I'm sorry for being sorry because I know that didn't fix a damn thing or make this loss hurt any less." Elle doesn't respond only holding him tighter. Her tears soak his shirt as she tries to compose herself enough to answer.

"Blaming yourself for what went wrong between us won't do any good. I think this must be our karma. Or maybe we were too intense to last. I was wrong Eric. I don't regret you. I regret all the things that happened that kept us from having the love we both deserved. But I think we've gotten to the point where us loving each other is only hurting each other. Maybe we aren't meant to be. We need to separate from each other to figure out if this was love or just a one night stand that lasted too long. I lost myself in loving you. I need to find Elle again before I can even think about giving my heart to you again." Pulling her to her feet he examines her face, wiping away the residual tears.

"So this is goodbye?" She smiles pulling him down to press a lingering kiss to his lips. He melts into her touch, not know if this was because she really missed him or because the influx of emotions.

But he'd take what he could get.

Pulling away she looks at him as if seeing him for the first time.

"I think it's more of a see you later." She pulls him into another hug, pressing a folded piece of paper into his pocket before pulling away.

"Take care of yourself Eric." He nods watching her walk hand and hand with Gift and his husband to the waiting car. He gives her one last lingering look before pulling the paper from his pocket. A birth certificate.

Nalo Rayla White