Head Down

Chapter 25

KATIE'S POV

I'm sitting in the Volvo, and water is falling from the clouds. The soft pitter patter on my window calms me in a way that only the sound of rain can, just enough. It's like with the rain everything that's wrong with life is being beaten down or held at bay, though not washed away. My break down last night with Nate hasn't lightened my load either.

Did that rhyme?

Focus, Katie. Milk.

Eleanor had allowed me to be the one to go get the required dairy when I had woken up at five a.m. and wasn't able to sit still. A chronic side effect of being completely motionless for three days and nights. Of course, she'd protested when I volunteered because of my injuries, but the kind hearted women couldn't seem to stand watching me pace through the kitchen for the minutes afterwards. I knew Nate would probably disapprove when he woke up, but I had an ulterior motive to the trip: gas stations were bound to have some maps of Minnesota inside.

I'd need those for my departure, which I now had set for this Saturday. Another good reason for me to be out of their house, planning time.

I'd decided simple was probably best, so as to keep distracting details out of it. I'd conclude which state to flee towards after my atlas purchase, and the hospital recovery was out. I would manage, like always. Enroll in the public school there to get my high school degree was next on the list. Get a scholarship along with some student loans to pay for community college -something I had never seen as a possibility before- and change my name as soon as possible after that. Like I said, simple.

But there were some definite flaws.

First things first, I needed money. At the very least for gas to GET me there, let alone food and water. The only thing I knew was that I'd acquire it all honestly, there would be no more criminal action from me. Perhaps the Ashton's would give me a few tasks around the house, and when I arrived in whichever town -no big cities- and settled down be hired for some medium wage job.

Second, credentials. I don't think John is stupid enough to report me missing to the authorities, but someone is going to notice the fact that I'm taking care of myself with no paper trail. I'd need some form of proof that I have taken most of my senior year already in order to enroll, which I severely lack other than my knowledge. Maybe I could just take some sort of test.

Third and most importantly, leaving Nate. Of course the rest of the people I've met will be difficult to say goodbye to, too, but he would leave them all behind. My thoughts on being able to look back on him as a bright spot in the past have all but diminished, I know I'll always regret leaving him. And this, whatever the heck it is. Last night had brought me exponentially closer to him -even though he shared little to no information- something about my admitting to disliking existence made him more.....intimate somehow. A confident. It's impossible to imagine packing up and hitting the road in the middle of the night, never mind seeing him again. Physically painful, even.

I like this guy WAY too much and WAY too fast. Every time I try to envision my saying goodbye all I can think about the way it feels to kiss him and how beautiful his green eyes are and the way he says things to me, like I actually mean something. To him, I'm not just a speck of dirt on his shoe, or a piece of meat, or a wild animal. He sees me as Katie, and thinks that's a good thing. My heart clenches at the thought.

It's then that I pull up to the convenience store. A bright red and white affair, low to the ground and rectangular, with neon signs lighting up the windows. I get up out of the Volvo and slam the door, not in a hurry and becoming drenched because of it. I don't care. I've always liked the rain.

By the time my muted footsteps carry me to the door I'm soaked through, all I think about is my trailing mud through the Ashton's house. Tom would probably have a seizure, but not be mad at me, and I think if Lucy were there she'd giggle. Eleanor and Laura would end up helping him to clean up, because they wouldn't let me do it, but Luke would step in to take Laura's place. She would roll her eyes but eventually give in. James would probably be in the background, snacking on something. Nate, I think...... would probably be standing next to me.