Head Down

Chapter 28

KATIE'S POV

When I wake up, my stomach is twisting. I'm sweating all over poor Nate's sheets, making them cool and damp against my stressed body. There's a hollow feeling on my insides -like I'm missing everything behind my ribs- yet inexplicably heavy, as if my veins were laced with lead. Worst of all, though, is the terrible clutching in my head, the pain of which resembles someone digging their finger nails into my brain.

I hate it when this happens. It's always after I have some sort of bloody injury, and I suspect it to have something to do with clotting. I've never looked it up for fear of what I might find, but I do know that the awful headache will last for at least a day, and the rest of it longer. Fantastic. How am I supposed to keep this and my Luna panic from Nate......

Of course he did it again, leaving me in his bed while he slept on the couch. The boy is either too conservative -not likely- or kind for his own good, and I need to lay my foot down. No more letting him baby me.

Though first, a shower. I pull myself out of the soft bed with a terrible pounding feeling in my chest I suspect to be a heartbeat, weathering the familiar ache of protest from my body. After a moment of pausing I stand up on the cool hardwood, remembering the fuzzy chat with Nate yesterday. Blue shoes. Wasn't that an Elvis song? I need to listen to the radio more, I wonder about music too often not to. My rambling should have some substance.

I enter the bathroom and peel of the wet clothing within seconds and find my bruising is much better. Most of my stitches are more pink than red now, but instead of getting a better look I turn away from my deformed appearance in the mirror and hop in the shower, turning the head on. It's stocked this time with razors and a fresh bar of soap along with the shampoo from Sunday, making me think I'll be here for a while.

But isn't that my plan anyway?

I don't know. I just don't, and I hate not knowing. My whole life I've known absolutely nothing about where I'll be in five minutes or what condition I'll be in when I get there, and now that I have a chance to set a path I can't make up my mind. Too many things are getting in my way -but that's a pitiful excuse. The least I could do is plan, and what better time to do so than in the shower?

So I start with my easiest resolution and most recent, the music. I find simple pleasure in it, which is really the best kind, and this means I'm going to have to have money to buy a radio. Possibly portable. This means a job, and I like the idea, too. It would give me a semblance of normalcy, though my life has never been -and conceivably never will be, considering my....male friend is a werewolf- normal. I should give up on that now.

But my biggest job is one I cannot do, become Luna. I fall far below the bar for all requirements, especially the most important ones. It's possible for me to choke down everything and force myself through, but wouldn't that jut be a new kind of hell? Leaving John and stepping into being a mother? No, not hell, but I wouldn't be happy. But how could I be happy without Nate? The way I see it is one or the other.

There are too many questions there than I am comfortable with, so I do the natural thing and ignore the train of thought. Instead, I go towards a no brainer: school. I should be able to go back by Friday -Monday at the latest- and I'm sure catching up wouldn't be too hard. What about after high school? I'd have to start looking at colleges. Maybe one near the ocean, so I could go to the beach. Despite my having lived on the coast countless of times I've never been, and decide to make this one of my goals.

Though what about a career after college? What do I want to go for? What am I good at? A funny thought flows into me then and I giggle in spite of myself: I could become a stunt double. I have no fear of physical injury or cameras, and am of pretty average build. Perfect. Or maybe something with music? Not that I have any talent, but theory maybe? I don't know. I'll have to ask around.