To Astrid, With Love

9

Present

Astrid

"Hey!" Krisha snapped her fingers in front of me.

"Yes?" I zoned back, stirring my drink using the straw.

"Did you receive an invitation??" she asked, leaning back on her seat.

"For?"

"Duh, for Matt's wedding. Didn't you get one? I received mine yesterday." She popped a cherry into her mouth.

"I haven't received an invitation.. but I know about the wedding." I answered,

"Huh? Why haven't you received it yet?" she thought out loud.

"I don't know.. maybe he doesn't want me there?" I shrugged, I mean it would be better that way, I guess..

"Nope," she said, popping the 'p'.

"What? You think he would send an invitation to his ex-girlfriend?" I retorted,

"Everyone does that these days," she shrugged, "Plus, if not invite you as an ex-girlfriend, might as well invite you as a high school friend, I mean to cut us some slack—we had a bond going on back then, right??" she tried proving but I was persistent.

"I don't know, we'll just have to see about that. When's..uh" I coughed, "When's the wedding?" warily looking elsewhere but Krisha.

"In two months. It's going to be a beach wedding in California. Matt's paying for the tickets, by the way." She said,

"Oh." I tried sounding ecstatic but it ended up sounding like a high-pitched response which dropped.

"We have to prepare our outfits for the wedding, I mean California has one of the best beaches around here! Oh! I'm already thinking of a faded arctic blue color maxi dress." She went on, "And you can wear a high neck dress! Oh, that would totally suit you." She squealed in excitement.

"Hey, slow down there. I haven't even received an invitation—well, we're not sure if I'll be receiving one." I chuckled, which came out awkward and bitter.

"Come on, Matt is not that petty. He'll invite you. I mean, how long has it been since you two called it quits? Five years?" she said,

I looked at her, "Yeah, I must be the petty one."

"No, I didn't mean that." Krisha retracted,

"No, you're right. I should just move on with my life and stop obsessing over what's long gone. That's what you want to tell me, right? 'Come on, Tri. Move on. Stop being a bitch.' That's it, right??" I fumed,

"Astrid, you know that's not what I meant and that will never be what I mean." Krisha demanded. "Hear me out here, okay?" she grabbed my hand.

I puffed air from my chest and looked away.

"I'm just saying, if Matt can move on, you can. It's been five years. I hate seeing you sulk every time we talk about him." She explained,

"You don't know how it feels like to be left to wait. You know how he never came back and gave me closure. We never had closure, Krisha. He just left me hanging. You know how much I had to go through because of that." I clenched my jaw and unclenched, feeling defeated.

"I know, I know, hun.." she shushed, "And if I could punch his face right here right now, I would, for you."

"But you won't." I chuckled lightly, looking at my fingers.

"I probably won't, but I can.. let's just leave it at that" she said. I shook my head and felt myself calm down.

Truthfully speaking, I'm the one who keeps on going back. Maybe I should give it a chance. Maybe I should give love a chance again. Maybe it's time I burned the letters.