Wolf Girl (Book 2)

Chapter 7: Carys

Carys' POV

My head pounds as the voice booms through my mind, echoing as though I'm still in that cave. Rhydian tries to get my attention, but his pleas are drowned out.

'Stop pushing your problems down,' she says, 'Deal with them. You need to get away, these people don't want you here, they don't care about you. Not the way that I do.' 

Her voice gets louder and louder, it layers over itself so all I can hear is a mess of the same voice. Then, she gets mean.

'Stop being an idiot, I always knew you wouldn't live up to your potential.'

'Such a disappointment.'

'It should have been you instead of him.'

Eventually, the words stop forming properly and become gibberish. She starts shouting, and then screaming. Then my shouting becomes screaming and Rhydian has to put me down on the ground in the middle of the woods, it's only now I realise he was carrying me.

"Carys."

I hear Rhydian, and suddenly, the voice in my head stops, and I'm met with dead silence.

"Hey, it's okay, you can open your eyes," he says.

I take a breath, and I open my eyes for a moment, and I swear I see her standing in front of me in wolf form, baring her teeth and growling at me. I scream and close my eyes again, "PLEASE!" I yell out, "Rhydian, get me out of here, I don't want to see her. Not when she's like this."

"Just breath Carys." I shake my head. "There's no one there. Open your eyes." I feel Rhydian's hands squeezing my arms, he shakes me gently.

"No, I can't, not if she's here," my hands find their way to his and I grip tightly, instantly feeling a sense of relief and comfort.

"I promise you're safe, there's no one here apart from us. Open your eyes, Carys."

Safe in his company, I silently count to three, take another deep breath and open my eyes. She's not there anymore. I look around, making sure she really is gone, and all I see us Rhydian. He was right. And I'm crazier than I thought.

"What happened?" Rhydian says after I've finally caught my breath. 

I look at him and he looks so worried. I don't want to tell him I'm hearing voices and now seeing things. But he probably thinks I'm a basket case anyway. I don't answer him, I just look at him. The cold wind makes the tears on my face feel like icicles, I wipe them away. 

"Let's go take a walk," he suggests and helps me to my feet.

We walk around the village for hours, my shaky legs dragging along. I decide to tell him about my nightmares, not in too much detail. I just tell him that I sometimes see my mum and that I think what just happened might have been a similar thing. I don't tell him about hearing her voice or her song. It's bad enough he knows I'm seeing things that aren't real. Another episode like that and he'll consider sending me to Segolia for tests, I'll be locked away like a lunatic.

"I have nightmares too," he says, "I wake up all shouting, sweaty and panicking, wondering what's real and what's made up."

I'm not sure what he wants me to say, so I just look at him.

"I'm just saying that you're not alone, okay?"

"Okay," I smile, "Thank you, Rhydian," I hug him.

I guess we have more in common than I first thought, but at least he's not losing his mind. Whatever the hell is going on with me, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

We get back to the Kafe at about 10:30 pm - it's a Friday so they're open late- but I can't bring myself to go inside just yet. Jana is going to know that something's wrong, she can see straight through me, and I don't know how to explain myself. I've never felt like I can't talk to her about things.

"It's okay," Rhydian takes my hand. 

I'm still nervous but he makes me feel a little bit better. When we step inside, Jana sees me straight away and gets up from the table to run to me.

"What happened?" She asks, putting one hand on my neck and the other on my face, wiping away some of the tears that started streaming out of my eyes the second I saw her.

"I'll let you guys talk," Rhydian says. I'm sure he wants an explanation too, but he has enough respect for me to leave us to it.

"Carys? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I lie through my tears, "No. I mean, I'm fine it's just all so stressful," I collect myself, "Ava wants us to live with her and she's not going to rest until she gets her way."

"What?" Jana looks at me in shock.

"She knows where the pack's camp is, there's no way Ceri and Gerwyn would relocate the whole pack just me. And anyway, Ava knows how to find me on instinct and scent alone."

"What can we do? How can I fix this?" Jana asks.

"Well, she's calling it a fight, but I don't have a legal guardian so there's no one to fight with. If I stay here, she'll get social services involved and they'll take me away. No goodbyes, no time to pack because they know I'm a flight risk. But if I go back to the wild, she'll just keep coming back, and I can't put Ceri through all of that."

"You can get a job when you're 16, with Segolia, you can move out, she can't force you to stay there. You're so strong and resilient, you'll get through this."

If only could see how weak I really am. If only she saw what happens in my head when I'm alone.

We sit down with the others, Rhydian has explained what happened at Ava's to the others, but I don't think he told them what happened afterwards.

My little outburst plays on my mind throughout the evening,  while the others talk about what we were going to do about Ava, I'm thinking about everyone finding out that I'm losing my mind. I have lost my mind, I'm hearing voices, and seeing things. I dread to think what my unstable brain has in store for me next.

Just as Jana starts saying something, I hear the voice again. 

'They don't care that much about you, you shouldn't care what they think. Especially her,' she says.

"Leave me alone," I say. And I realise I said it out loud. To Jana.

"Carys?" Jana questions.

"Sorry, what?" I shake my head and try and pretend that I didn't just react like that.

"I just asked if you wanted a drink," she looks confused.

I look round at everyone else, and they all look confused. Apart from Rhydian, who looks like he knows exactly what's happening in my head, and that scares me.

I stand up, squirming as everyone looks at me, "Sorry, I can't- I have to get out of here," I get up and leave. 

I hear Jana stand up to follow me.

"Let her be, Jana. She just needs space to think," Rhydian says.

I walk out into the village square and look up at the mountains that surround Stoneybridge. Normally I'd be inclined to run to nature, but it seems like that's where everything gets bad. So instead, I walk slowly around the village, going in circles until my legs turn to jelly and I sit down against a wall in the church ruins.

Her voice gets louder. She tells me to fix the mess I keep making. She tells me to be with her. She tells me I know what I have to do. She tells me I'm stupid if I don't know what she means, and I don't.