Wolf Girl (Book 2)

Chapter 11: Carys

Carys' POV

There's so much going on in my head right now I don't know what to focus on, or how to keep my mind from overloading. The voice keeps coming back in small bursts, feeling eerier than ever now that I know she was never my real mother, she's a stranger. It's just all so confusing. All I can do when she talks is sit through it and try to focus on something else.

Dr Whitewood showed me some breathing exercises and they've been helping me stay calm. But Ceri- mum has been the most help, she has all of these old Wolfblood healing mantras that somehow tap into my wolf, the real me, and for a short while at a time, I'm able to block out the voice in my head.

I can't believe my so-called parents lied to me for my whole life, and my real parents for months. I just don't know how to react. I can't tell if I'm angry at Ceri and Gerwyn or not. Ceri always treated me like I was her own cub. She really helped me, and then when I had that Anceon incident, I sort of had a feeling, an instinct. I don't know how to describe it, or what it meant, but I knew I was safe with her. If I'm going to have a long-lost mother, I'm glad it's her. And then there's Gerwyn, I still haven't spoken to him, and I have no idea where his head is at.

Dr Whitewood is hooking me up to a heart monitor, in case there's something they've missed, she says. I think she's just running tests because she still doesn't know as much as she'd like to about Wolfbloods. But I'm happy to be a guinea pig if it means helping other Wolfbloods further down the line, and it's not like there's much else to do between my little episodes. The voice has gone for now, but I'm still shaken and in constant fear that she'll come screaming back.

I lean against Ceri's chest as I lie in bed, she holds my hand and strokes my cheek, "You know, I named you Cariad, it seems Geraint and Rhiannon shortened it. Both mean the same thing though; love. You were born out of love and born to share your love with the world. Don't ever forget that," she pulls a strand of my hair out of my face.

Jana comes into the room as Dr Whitewood leaves. She rushes to my side like she always does. Doting on me, all the time.

"I'm here, are you okay?" She says, "Is she okay?" She turns to Ceri.

"She's okay," Ceri says.

"Ceri, can I talk to Jana alone?" I ask my new mother.

"Of course, Cariad, I'll be outside with Rhydian," she leans over and gives me a light kiss on my temple, she then does the same to Jana.

I still can't shake the sinking feeling that everyone is just pretending. Pretending they care for me, which is what I want to talk to Jana about. Although, now I know it's all in my head. I just need assurance. Dr Whitewood said it's okay to ask for assurance when I need it. But it makes me feel like I'm just being bothersome.

Jana sits on the edge of my bed and I reach for her hand, "Dr Whitewood wants me to tell the psych doctor what's happening in my head, I don't want to talk about it at all, but if I have to, it's going to be with you first."

"You can tell me anything Carys," she takes my other hand, "I love you."

I pull my hands away, feeling uncomfortable with the affection, it's still so hard to trust her words or anyone else's, except for Ceri, for some reason.

"That's the thing," I sigh, "The voice, the woman." I can't bear to refer to her as my mother anymore. "She keeps telling me that you don't love me, that none of you really care about me. I'm trying so hard not to believe it, but I'm such a burden on you and the pack, and even Rhydian and all the others, I don't want to make your lives any more difficult than they have to be. You don't deserve to be dragged alongside me while I go through this."