Wolf Girl (Book 2)

Chapter 9: Carys

Carys' POV

My eyes become unstuck, and I slowly open them only to be met with darkness. There's a rustling sound as I move my head on a stiff pillow, trying to see something. As my eyes begin to adjust, a dim light reflects off of familiar red hair. The auburn locks hide Jana's face, which is resting on the pillow next to mine. She stirs slightly in her sleep, and then her eyes flutter open. She looks right at me, then shoots upright.

"You're awake," her voice croaks.

I don't say anything, instead, I look around the room lit only by the streetlamps outside and see Rhydian awkwardly curled up on a small armchair in the corner. Then I see the monitors and the medical equipment placed around the room, I'm in some kind of hospital. 

In a panic, I try to sit up. I can't be in the hospital, they'll find out what I am. But when I try to move my arms they don't budge. Casting my eyes to my wrists, I see the binds holding me in place. Matching white cushioned buckles restrain my ankles. I've been strapped down like an insane person. I am an insane person.

"You're safe," Jana says, "This is Segolia, the infirmary."

Jana turns the light on, and my wounds are illuminated. Deep scratches made by my own nails cover my arms and legs. Some have been bandaged up, others left exposed. A wave of shame washes over me as I recall the moment my mothers' voice began convincing me I was not worthy of life, and I began to believe her.

"Shan and Rhydian brought you here," she says, "Rhydian found you in the ruins-"

"I remember," I reply hoarsely, my throat inflamed and swollen from screaming so loud for so long.

"I was so worried," she whispers, trying not to wake Rhydian. 

But she hasn't noticed that he's already awake and looking right at me. His eyes are full of sorrow, and a kind of pity that makes my stomach churn. I turn my head away from them and look out of the window at the city spreading out beneath us, longing for the woods.

"The doctor said you might not remember everything, do you know why you-" she stops for a second, sucking in a breath, "Do you remember why you hurt yourself?"

Of course, I remember. How could I possibly forget my mother's warped voice inside my head when I can still hear her now? She's a little bit quieter, but she's still there. And it's still her voice but it's not soft and delicate the way it used to be. Hearing her talk and sing to me was almost comforting at first, but now every word stings.

'Pathetic. You can't do anything right, no wonder everyone you love ends up leaving you. We didn't want you either.'

When I was young, there were some kids in my school who made it their mission to try and make my life as hellish as possible. Along with other mean remarks and some shoving, they used to tell me that I was a mistake and that my parents wished I was never born. And because I've always been the type of person to keep things to myself, I didn't talk to my parents about it. Then I sort of developed an inferiority complex, and it only got harder for me to let myself get close to people.

I spent so many years with no friends, no one to talk to other than Anwen. But that wasn't healthy either, she saw my vulnerabilities and used them against me, she used everything against me. I don't mean to say that I was the perfect girlfriend, it was my secret keeping that broke us up. Still, she tried to use that against me too.

I never really dealt with any of that, but does that mean I have to now? Couldn't I just obey the voice in my head? It sure would be easier, not just for me, but for everyone.

'No one wants you here, so just do them a favour and go. You know what to do,'  she says in my head. 

I should have taken her more seriously before, then I wouldn't be strapped down, trapped in the Segolia infirmary. I have no choice now, I'm stuck here with Jana trying to get something out of me.