𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 ✓

22 • Steve Alone

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: STEVE ALONE

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His heart was aching.

Steve Rogers was not sure if he'd ever experienced love in his life. He often wondered if he'd ever been in love. Surely, he had loved his family back when he had still had every possible sickness a boy of his age could have. And maybe, he even loved James in one way or another, considering the fact just how important this man had always been to him. But romantic love? Steve didn't know if he'd ever felt it. He sat on Angel's bed, his face buried in his hands, his chest heaving intensely. The only thing on his mind was the woman he'd hurt with his words.

The way she was there for him at all times, trying to help him... The way she smiled at him, her eyes glistening with affection. Every time he was around her, touched her, kissed her, even just had a talk with her, he felt comfortable. Since coming out of the ice about a decade ago, he hadn't been so much at peace. Angel was his rock, his comfort.

And at that very moment, she probably sat in the kitchen, her beautiful eyes hidden behind tears, just because of him and his stubbornness. He recalled the aftermath of their first fight a few days ago. How he'd approached her after not even an entire day spent without her. "Let's not fight ever again. I can't stay up at night being scared that this could be over."

Yet, there they were, captured in another disagreement. He needed some space, trying to get his head wrapped around the things she'd said.

Was he really abandoning his best friend?

Was he really too blind to see how he was the only one holding himself back?

He inhaled deeply and let himself fall back into the covers. They smelled of her, so lovely and soothing, and he drew in another breath just to have her scent flood his body again. His brow furrowed, he pressed his eyes shut while more and more thoughts tumbled into his brain. Doubts, regret, the outline of her gorgeous smile, and how it faded during their argument. Being the reason for this woman's tears broke Steve's heart into a million pieces.

Hadn't she gone through enough this week? Not being able to reunite with her beloved family must've broken her as well. And he had upset her even more.

"I am an idiot," he told himself in a husky whisper, one palm wiping across his stubbled face in despair. He'd never been the kind of guy to be incredibly emotional, let alone be able to deal with other people's emotions. Comforting Angel seemed to be easier though. As soon as he noticed her being down, the words and actions seemed to happen all by themselves. Not once in those weeks of knowing this woman did he ever doubt what he did to be there for her. It just happened, and it seemed to work every single time.

The longer Steve let himself think about this amazing girl and the fact that all she wanted was to help him out of his misery that was his life in London, despite having problems of her own, let his heart ache so utterly he thought it might burst out of his chest. Was this love? The inability to see that one person being sad, wanting them to be as happy as possible, and being ready to do anything for them?

He paused, holding his breath. The realization hit him like a punch in the guts.

He would truly do anything for Angel Fields.

Anything, he repeated in his mind, I would do anything.

The fact that he had still bashed down her attempts of getting him to join her on her trip home now seemed ridiculous. Like a thing he'd uttered during a fever dream. But it had happened, and his soul was in utter pain.

The more he considered it, the more he thought it to be true.

Maybe he truly was in love with this woman.

And maybe, she loved him too. He internally prayed she would. As he came to peace with the new idea in his head, he realized he couldn't live in a world where Angel wouldn't love him back. Being inexperienced in these kinds of dilemmas, he told himself to wait to tell her about his feelings until he was sure she felt it too. He didn't want his heart broken, especially not by her.

She wanted him to go back home for almost as long as they knew each other, he recalled. She wanted him to be happy. And deep inside, he knew he would be happier being around familiar faces of people that were so important to him instead of strangers walking past him ignorantly, in a country that was so unfamiliar to him. So maybe, he admitted after some internal debates, he should be considering going back. With her. Seeing his best friend.

Anger boiled up within him. Not at Angel, and not at anyone else. At himself. He was mad at himself for letting it get so far. Fighting with her again, not admitting to himself that he was not made to be alone like this. He'd hoped to get used to this new life. Therapy was supposed to help. But even after two months of living in London, the only person who made him feel positive emotions at all was her.

He had screwed up, but he knew it wasn't too late at all. He could reverse it, gain her happiness back along with his own. And he'd do it, even if he still had some anger bubbling in his stomach.

Determined, he jolted out of his position, smoothing his sweater and running fingers through his messy hair before walking to the bedroom door. His heart was skipping a beat.

Finally, he had the opportunity to make up for something he was responsible for. Even if it was just this little fight instead of one that endangered the world.

His hand wrapped around the doorknob and twisted it, his mind hazy and trying to get words in order. But his mind went blank instead when the opening of the door revealed Angel, her eyes red, her tears dried, her hand reaching out for the doorknob too. Steve's throat went dry, but the little remainder of fury was still cooking in his veins.

"Angel—" he croaked, his heart pounding out of his chest. The brunette shook her head, stepping closer to him.

"Shut up," she muttered, and pulled him down to her, making their lips collide in a hungry, passionate kiss. This wasn't her apologizing, because she wouldn't have to, this was her trying to show him that no matter how upset he was with her, she'd always be there for him. It was a silent display of affection. It was her silently telling him that she didn't care if he stuck to his opinion and didn't change his answer. All she needed, all she wanted, was him.

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a/n: hi! check out my new bucky barnes fic, if you haven't already. It's dark academia, teacher x student, and of course very spicy. see you over there besties <3