Stay calm // BSD scenarios

cigarette cokes

Positive vent go brrrrr
This is not in character obviously but shush, also yes mark is a trans fruit in this
Happy Halloween everyone^^ 
i wanted to get this out tomorrow but was too lazy
TW: su!c!de mention, please leave if you get triggered by this

☆~~~~☆

Mark Twain doesn't know who he is.
Mark Twain doesn't know what he wants to be.
He doesn't know how long he'll continue to exist for.
He doesn't know if he's even likeable.

No one really wanted him when he was in school, every friend group lasted 5 months at best for him.
He told everyone to call him Samuel, but he likes his new name now, is it too late to tell them?
Sometimes nothing felt real to Mark, he'd rather rot away than be in a dream where he could feel pain, or simply just wanted to rot away altogether.
He also felt like he had no time left and was wasting each day that passed, despite him being young.
He wanted to be more but the next day all that motivation would go away, he'd be right back at square one, he was tired of it, yet he knew it wouldn't change.
Everyone around him seemed like they knew who they were and wanted to be, they took the most pride in it, but him? He's still stuck at the bottom.

He tried to see the positive side but it would only last for so long.
He'd already practically given up, was he depressed? Who knows, definitely not him.
His dysphoria attacked him randomly and dear god, it didn't help that he didn't pass well, he tried but gave up once more.

Unfortunately it seemed that his parents did not fully support him, it's okay, at least luckily, they don't make fun of him or hate him, to them, it's like he never even told them in the first place.
They often told him that he was trying to "hide" himself, that he's being influenced, they kept bring up religion, he just wanted it to stop
They looked uncomfortable at the table where he first came out, it broke his heart, he hated all of what happened that night.

He loves his friends dearly, even if it means getting nothing in return, apart from some silly insults.
He met three lovely people, Kenji, Jouno, and Nikolai.
Sure it was an odd group but at least they stayed with him.
He got along with Jouno more than anyone else in that weird group of gays, it was surprising how Jouno didn't kill him already.

Kenji was nice, really quiet, he didn't mind it, he doesn't have much of an opinion on him, Mark often shared some of his food with Kenji since he knew how bad the school lunches are.

Nikolai is a ride for sure, but something Mark can get behind, he often gets his hair rilled up or "playfully" hit, this affects Jouno too.

Finally Jouno, he can't even count how many times Jouno told him to game end himself, obviously not seriously, Mark still liked him as a friend.

Both Kenji and Nikolai were trans and both on HRT, both Mark and Jouno were not.
While Jouno's parents supported Jouno, Mark's parents didn't believe in Mark being trans no matter what he'd say.

Mark was still wondering if he who he presents himself to be or if he's still a confused teen girl.
It hurts him to even think that.
Oh well, if he hasn't forced himself to expire by then, he'll finally find out.
He covered himself with his soft fuzzy blankets, he still had time to figure himself out, right?

Who is he? Was the pain he felt real? Or just something he'd dreamed of.
He closed his eyes and smiled, he shifted comfortably on his bed, he let his breath speak for the fewest of seconds.

"I'm Mark Twain and I'm a proud trans boy no matter what they say."

Although he didn't exactly know himself, he was slowly starting to piece it together, and just that, was fine.