Would It Matter // Rick Grimes

Chapter 28

It's been a few days and Hershel was awake and we were outside with him on crutches.

"Ready to race Hershel?" Carl asked.

"Give me another day and I'll take you on." Hershel said.

"Walkers!" Carl shouted, a few minutes later.

Hershel went to our cell block and stayed there with Beth. I was shooting the walkers.

"Come on! In here." Maggie shouted.

Me, Lori, Carl and Maggie ran through a door and went down the hallway. Lori then leaned against the wall.

"Lori, what's wrong?" Maggie asked.

"Something's not right." Lori said.

"Were you bit?" Maggie asked.

"No. I think the baby's coming." Lori said.

"Shit!" I exclaimed.

"In here!" Carl exclaimed.

We ran into the room and Lori faced the wall and grabbed the pipe.

"I have to deliver this baby now." Lori said.

"Okay. Let's get your pants off." I said.

Her pants were soon off and I got into position.

"Okay. Push!" I said.

She pushed but all that came out was blood.

"Stop pushing!" I exclaimed. "Shit." I muttered. "Get her on the floor and on her back." I said.

"Why? What's going on?" Carl asked.

"She needs a c-section." I said. "I can do it. I did it plenty of times before." I said. I lifted her shirt up a bit, exposing the c-section scar. "Carl, give me your knife. Lori if you have anything to say, say it now." I said.

"Why?" Carl asked.

"She's not going to live through this. She's going to bleed too much." I said, holding the knife.

Lori said all she had to say and we all said goodbye to her. I then started to cut along the scar, careful not to go too deep. Lori was screaming until she stopped, meaning she died. I pulled the baby out and saw that it was a girl and I turned her upside down, patting her back to get her to start crying and she soon did. Carl handed me his shirt and I wrapped her up in it then stood up. I handed her to Maggie and looked at my dead sister.

Me and Maggie walked out because Carl promised to kill her before she comes back. We all walked outside and the baby made a noise, causing the others to turn around and they saw us. I looked at Rick and he knew what it meant. I walked up to him and got the hatchet from him and walked back in.

I started killing the walkers in a rage. I was grieving over the death of my sister. Tears were falling from my eyes while I was killing the walkers.

"Sydney." Rick said, behind me. I didn't respond to him. I was too angry to. "Please talk to me Sydney." He said in a soft voice.

"I don't want to talk Rick! I want my sister back! These assholes took her from me! Even if she wasn't bit!" I shouted.

"I know Sydney." He said.

"Just go back outside Rick! I need to be alone!" I shouted, walking away and killed more walkers.

After a few hours being by myself, my anger disappeared and I walked outside. I saw Rick near the fence and I walked to him.

"Rick." I said, getting his attention.

He didn't say anything just waited for me to speak.

"I'm sorry I shouted at you. I didn't want to shout at you. I don't know why I shouted at you when you were just trying to help me." I said, tears starting to fall. "I know you were just trying to help but I couldn't control myself. I don't know why I did that. It's like I was a completely different person." I said.

He pulled me against him and hugged me. I returned the hug and cried into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry. I'm scared I could've done something else. Like hurt you or killed you. I would never forgive myself if I did that. I don't forgive myself for killing my sister." I said.

"I'm not mad at you Sydney, I understand you lost your sister and you needed time alone. I should've let you be alone for a little while." He said. "You didn't kill your sister. She knew that she wouldn't make it through that. She's not mad at you. She knows you did what you could and she's not blaming you. Not one bit." He said.

"I miss her Rick. I really miss her. I can't believe she's gone. I don't want to believe it." I said, between cries. "I need her Rick. I need my sister." I said.

"I know you do Sydney. But she'll always be with you in your heart and she'll be watching over you." He said.

I didn't say anything just continued crying into his shirt with him rubbing my back. After a little bit, Rick let me be alone in the courtyard. I walked into the grass and walked around. I saw someone on the guard tower and saw that it was Daryl. I walked a bit further with more tears falling out of my eyes. I fell to the ground onto my knees. I then started to talk to Lori not even caring that Daryl could hear me.

"Lori, I miss you. I wish you were still here. I need my sister here with me. I don't want to believe you're dead even though I saw you die. By my hands. I know there was no way for you to live through that but I guess I had some hope that you would. I know you'll always be with me but I just wish it was in person. I know you'll want me to stay alive and keep your baby safe. I can promise you that I'll try everything in my power to keep her safe. After you died, I went on a rage and killed the walkers that was in the tombs. I shouted at Rick when he was trying to help me. I could've did something else to him but luckily I didn't. I could've killed him. I wasn't myself. I guess I'll never be myself after losing you. I'll remember everything that we did together since we were little. I still remember that one time when my ex husband cheated on me. You wanted to kill him and I wouldn't have blamed you but I had to keep you from doing that. You did a lot of things for me that I'm not able to pay you back for now that you're gone. I love you Lori. Always will. I'll always think about you until the day I die. Bye Lori." I said.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them. I stayed there for a little while then went inside. I played with Emma since she haven't seen me for awhile.