Chapter 52: Third Year: Confidence
Chapter Text
Saturday 5th January 1974
Sheets of rain battered against the Hogwarts Express like a volley of enemy arrows, covering the usually green hillsides in a gauzy veil of mist and drizzle, darkening the sky.
"Feels rubbish going back to school, doesn't it?" Sirius said sulkily, glaring out of the window.
Remus glanced over at Peter, who was staring at Sirius in disbelief. Sirius didn't notice. Remus sighed,
"How was your Christmas, Pete?" He asked politely.
"Ok." Peter replied, dully, "Thanks for the sweets."
"Seen my broom?" James asked, pulling it down from the luggage rack. Peter got up to look, perking up a bit. Remus rolled his eyes and returned to his book.
He wasn't really reading it. He hadn't been able to concentrate properly on a book since the Potter's Christmas party. In fact, he hadn't been able to concentrate on anything at all. Not flying, or games, or conversations, or James and Sirius's animagus planning. So he pretended to read, hoping they'd leave him to it. At St Edmund's he might have just skulked off by himself into town, but that didn't seem like a very good way to show gratitude to James's parents, who were sure to worry.
It was as if there was a list of questions in his head that he had no way of getting the answers to, so they just played on repeat, around and around. Where was Greyback now? Who was 'you know who'? Had Lyall Lupin hated his son that much?
Remus had already known that his father had killed himself because he'd been bitten. He'd always assumed that Lyall had been motivated by guilt. But now... well, what Remus had been wrong? What if the real reason had been hatred - or even worse - shame?
For the past three years, Remus had been working hard at school, using his father's wand and taking the subjects his father might have taken. He didn't think about Lyall all the time, but in the back of his mind, it had still meant something. Since the Christmas party, he wasn't so sure any more. Ferox had said 'know thyself', but Remus was failing to see the wisdom in that now. He'd been much happier not knowing.
These dark thoughts were interrupted by a quiet tapping at the carriage door. Marlene poked her head around,
"Hiya McKinnon," James grinned, "Evans with you?"
"Um... no." She squeaked, fiddling with her hair nervously, "Sirius, can I talk to you?"
"Me?" Sirius sat up, looking confused, "Er... what is it?"
"Mary um... Mary asked me to tell you something."
"Tell me what?"
"She's... I don't think I was supposed to say it in front of this lot."
"Er... ok..." Sirius got up and followed her outside into the corridor. The other three exchanged amused looks while they waited. Ugh, Remus thought, had he been mistaken about the Mary and Sirius thing?! Was it Sirius and Marlene, now?
Moments later, a stunned looking Sirius re-entered the compartment alone.
"Well?" James asked.
"Mary's got a boyfriend, apparently." Sirius said, confused.
"You mean... you got dumped?"
"I dunno." He sat down, scratching his head, "Was I going out with her?"
"Well, apparently she thought you were."
"Why don't girls just say what they mean?!" Sirius ran his hand through his hair in a good imitation of James, who nodded in a sympathetic way.
