Everything I Didn't Say

03.28.15

i don't miss him.

i miss having someone there

someone to call me beautiful when we facetime, even though i know i look like a mess

someone where i can wake up and know that i can spend the whole talking day to them

i miss having someone that i can call my best friend and my boyfriend

someone who will let me rant about people, and then will tell me how i can deal with it

someone that i can spend hours talking to about absolutely nothing

someone i can lose sleep over

i miss laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling after we stop talking for the night, and having a stupid smile on my face when i replay our conversations in my head

i miss blushing and smiling whenever i see their name on my phone

i miss seeing something on instagram that reminds me of them and tagging them in it

i miss sharing my favorite songs at the moment
or sharing songs that remind us of each other

i miss someone holding me, kissing my forehead and telling me i'm beautiful

i miss just thinking about someone, and smiling because they make me so happy

i miss being excited to go home everyday
because i knew the second i told him i would be home, he would get excited and ask me when we can FaceTime

i miss the excitement that came with having someone around all the time

someone you can talk to about anything

someone that you can be goofy with one minute, and be completely serious the next

we had a routine

i would text him good morning

he would text me goodnight

now that routine is gone

and i'm not used to it yet

i still wake up sometimes and reach for my phone to see if he texted me while i was asleep

but then i remember what happened and i put my phone down slowly

and get ready for the day

i miss having someone to talk to for every second of the day

whenever my phone buzzed, i always knew it would be him

now whenever my phone buzzes i know it won't be him

and i miss that

m.a.k.