Hosie Stories

Story 19 - 'Swear I feel you in my memory (I think I've seen you in dreams)'

Hope has made it to her seventeenth birthday. There have been some ups and downs along the way (some of them before she was even born) but she's made it. Seventeen years filled with memories. Seventeen years of carrying the burden of being the only one of her kind. And now she carries a new burden, a new secret. What is that secret, you may wonder? The secret is that this will be the last birthday she ever has. Hope knows that she won't live past midnight. It had been a tough pill to swallow at first, resulting in weeks where she barely talked to anyone, hardly left her room. Eventually, she got to a place of acceptance, where she knows that she can't stop it, that she can't prevent it. Her death is inevitable, and now she's left to wait.

When Hope discovered the truth, she also decided to keep it to herself. The last thing she needed was to worry her friends or to give her entire family a reason to burn the earth to the ground until they found a solution. And Hope knows there isn't one (not one she is willing to use, anyway). She spent weeks looking for something useful, but she never found anything. She-

"Happy birthday, Hope." Landon says. Hope looks up from the spot her eyes have been locked on, using the best fake smile she can. She watches Rafael give his brother a thumbs up, but she pretends not to notice. Hope is not dumb - she knows that Landon likes her. She's made it clear that she doesn't return the feelings, and she's glad that he has finally accepted that. Though it doesn't stop his feelings from leaking through at times like they are now.

In another life, maybe she could've liked him too. Maybe they would've made a cute couple, but Hope has her eyes set on someone else - a certain brunette that she somehow hasn't spoken to once in this party (maybe Hope has kind of been avoiding her a bit, just to make it hurt a little less when her time comes).

She realizes it has been a few seconds, and she's expected to reply. "Thanks." She coughs, any more words she'd had ready to say get stuck in her throat. Hope covers her mouth with her fist, coughing again. It's the kind of cough that she can feel in her lungs, like it's burning her flesh from the inside out. The kind that leaves you aching, wishing for it to stop.

"You okay?" The taller brother responds. When the coughing fist passes, Hope glances at Rafael. She notices he is wearing a suit, similar to his brother's. They both look smart, one of the requirements set by Lizzie, who organized the whole party. Hope hadn't felt like celebrating (who would when they know they are going to die on the same day?) but Lizzie found that absurd. And so this party came to be. It has been months in the planning.

Hope will admit that the party is nice. She likes the decorations, the setup, the food, everything. The thought that these people are all here to celebrate her, minus the few that are just here for the party, is something she has to wrap her head around, especially seeing as her complicated life has never allowed her to have such a major birthday celebration. So, in some odd way, it feels kind of poetic that it will be both her first and last birthday party ever.

"Fine." Hope says. "Enjoy the party." She hopes the pair take that as a sign to go. Landon seems nervous, she can almost smell it on him. He seems ready to sit down or talk to her about something she probably has no interest in. Luckily Rafael has more sense and pulls Landon off in some other direction.

And so Hope sits alone at her table, in an elegant red dress gifted to her by her Aunt Rebekah (she debated wearing a black one, thinking it to be ironic given her situation). Hope watches the party, sees all the students laughing and having fun. She wishes she could do that, pretend for one night that her life is normal. For one night, to be able to act like the world isn't crumbling down around her. To let herself feel the kind of happiness that she truly wants to feel, that she hasn't felt in a long time.