𝐈𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬 - A Dear Evan Hansen Fanfiction

Chapter One - Definition of Useless

Darkness shifted into the dark light of a bland bedroom. A laptop was set on the counter, the corner of the screen resembling the recording symbol.

A man appeared in the camera, eyebags as prominent as his shoulders, bloodied up with deep gashes from self-harm just minutes earlier. He hadn't even cleaned up yet before his decision was made. His hair was greasy and matted from spending so long without taking care of his body. Just from seeing him in the camera it was proven that he hadn't showered in two weeks or more. He was shirtless, which showed just how much his workout method had faded with his desire to stay healthy.

"September Thirteenth." The man's dark voice rumbled from his ribs, breathing shaky, yet scared. He gulped, maybe to swallow the lump attempting to grow in his throat so that he could speak clearly. He rubbed his watering eyes with his wrist, then wiped the tears off on his pants.

"I've done some real awful things. Some unforgivable by God himself, not like I ever believed in him anyway." He explained, his eyes trailing down to stare at his feet. In the background there could be seen a rope hanging onto the ceiling fan, tied to the light. "So.. I guess it's time to punish myself."

"Already have my note on the dresser. That special note? Yeah.. that one." He slowly stood to his feet and stepped aside, revealing the stool under the fan and rope. "Some may say it's the coward's way out. Other's could say I'm going to hell, because.. I don't know, something about 'God has a time of death for me and you're changing the way you die without his permission' or something? I think it's ridiculous, but I'm not here to judge. Not in a moment, at least."

He stepped up onto the stool. "I've already got my apologies down on the note, so.. guess I have nothing else to say.." He muttered, picking up the short rope. "I hate being so tall." He complained as he hung the rope over his neck. He pulled the knot which tightened it harshly, enough for him to let out a breathy gasp for air. He took a couple of deep breaths before he lifted one foot up, his other foot hopping back to the very corner of the stool.

"Hasta luego.." There was something that sparked in his eye that made the man smile as he kicked the stool under his feet, and his body hung suspended in the air.

Immediately, he hung there, gagging and gasping for air, swinging back and forth slightly and kicking his legs. He squeezed his eyes shut, the rope compressing on his neck and making it difficult to even exhale at this point. His mouth stuck open as he choked, the ceiling cracking slightly under the weight of the man's bloody body. His bloodshot eyes looked up, gritting his teeth as he thrashed more violently, trying to get down before the fan collapsed on him, ending him more painfully than he had planned.

Just before it was light's out for him, the boy managed to twist his head in just the right direction to get his chin out from the noose, his entire body collapsing against the floor with a loud thud. He disappeared from view under the camera, wheezing and gasping for air that his body refused to allow him to take in.

The fan was near falling to the floor now, the ceiling and drywall falling like dust onto the floor. Nothing more happened for the next minute or two as the man seemingly regained his consciousness, and soon he reappeared. The bruise on his neck was already forming, in a tight, red ring around him like a curse, destined to last there for the rest of his life. If not physically, then mentally, as a coin of remembrance of this day, September thirteenth.

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"This just in, breaking news of a report from social media states that a young man by the name of Connor Murphy has just attempted to take his own life on a Youtube Livestream. His small account containing only a few thousand followers has skyrocketed once Connor posted his first livestream, labeled 'My Suicide'.