oneirism

last men standing

Ft. Jisung skz

When the next boom shook my tent I was ready to run out there and grab the casualties. I couldn't bare the thought of leaving all those soldiers out there to die.

It was my job. I can't do this, just wait here...

I clutched my satchel, filling it with everything I could get my hands on.

They'd ordered me to stay in my tent as I was the only doctor left.

But I can't...

What kind of doctor would that make me if I left them. No, what kind of human would I be?
I was just about to run outside when a person rushed in stumbling and falling over the table in the center.

I stopped, stunned. Opening my mouth to ask him if he was alright, I was cut off by sobbing. Body wracking sobs filled the room.

" I'm sorry," the soldier started timidly. " I am a coward. I couldn't even stay to help. I ran as fast as I could. I could only think of saving myself."

I could tell he was shaken, but who wouldn't be?

Bombs were raining down from the sky, people lay bleeding and dying.

Who wouldn't be afraid?

I dropped my bag and sat next to him.

" I'm scared too." I told him.

He looked at me with tear streaked cheeks. He didn't seem older than me. We were both barely adults it seems.

I joined the war as a trainee doctor at the age of fifteen. The youngest among them. Three years have passed, now eighteen, I'm the only one left.

" You're the last doctor aren't you?" He asked, looking around the tent.

" I am." Nodding I replied, trying to ignore the pang in my heart. It feels more real when someone else says it.

" It's alright to be scared." He said.

I nearly laughed. He was the one who was crying just moments ago.

" And it's alright for 'you' to be scared too." I retorted.

" But I'm a soldier, and you're... You're a.."

"What, I'm a girl? Is that what you're saying?"

"Well yeah..." He looked anywhere but at me.

I scoffed.

" Well mister, uh.."

" Han."

" Mr. Han, this is war. Men, women, children, it doesn't matter anymore. Everyone is scared. As it should be. I'd be more surprised if you told me you weren't."

I looked him in the eye.

" Being brave doesn't mean not being afraid. It means you are willing to face something even if you are afraid."

He sighed deeply.

" I am a coward."

I leaned back, resting on my elbows.

" You were being realistic, your instincts took over and told you to run. So you did. It's only human."

" What about you, you were going to go out there weren't you?"

It was my turn to sigh.

" I can't leave them out there."

Han got up, brushed himself off and held out a hand.

" What are you doing mister Han?"

" It's jisung." He smiled grimly. " And I'm doing what you call being brave. Let's go out there and save lives. Or die trying, either works really."

I felt my heart swell with an unfamiliar emotion.

" Alright, jisung, let's go."