the mayor

an unfortunate day of memory

I wake up on my side still wrapped in Emma's arms and to a long forgotten feeling.

The feeling of being lost in your mind and fearing the unknown. I stare off into the distance and think about the last time I felt like this.

When I was 18, right after I was kicked out I went to my grandmothers house and stayed the night. I only wanted to be there for one, I didn't want to be a Burden. She told me I could stay as long as I wanted but the next morning before she woke I left. That day I went back to my old home, gathered all my belongings, as much money as I could and spent the day in my car. I drove around until I ran out of Gass and slept in the driver sweet of my car.

I only got about an hour of sleep. I stayed up worrying about what my life was going to become. How I was going to get out of my new situation. I feared that was it and I wasn't going to make it. I had no idea what I was going to do. I only knew I needed a job and a place to sleep. I figured I could stay in my car and find work at a fast food place.

I ended up working as a waitress in a bar and living in my car for two years. Throughout those years I never knew happiness. Only tiredness, loneliness, and worries. I was always tired after a 12 hour day shift for 7 days a week. I always worried about how I was going to pay bills each month and buy food.

And my father did all of that to me. He was the reason I had to deal with those things. He let the wicked witch get to him and he abandoned me. Or at least that's how I've always felt,  after last night I realize it wasn't. He wasn't strong enough to take on my mother and that wasn't his fault. He was under her spell. It has always been her fault, but now it's to late for me to try to make amends. He's dead and probably didn't even remember me.

"Good morning baby" I hear Emma whisper as I shake off my thoughts. "Good morning" I say after turning around to face her. "How you feelin?" She asks putting her forehead on mine. "I'm ok, just need to stay out of my head." I respond "wanna talk about it?"

I snuggle her. "I just... I wish I would have made amends with my father and talked to him before he died." "Oh, baby. I'm so sorry about what has happened. It's sad but it's ok. From what I hear he was a good man. I don't think he would have forgotten about you." " And I never thought he would abandon me, but he did."

Emma sighs"I'm sorry baby." She says and kisses my forehead. "Everything's gonna be ok." She whispers. "I guess you're right. Life goes on." I say and return a kiss.

We lay in bed for a few hours. I try as hard as I can to stay out of my head and focus on the good things in life, but it's hard. I have a feeling I'm going to be like this for a while. I wish I didn't feel like this, I wish my mother never told me, I wish I didn't know. Is it bad for me to think that?

I just wish you would have kept it to herself, then my life would still be the same. And I wouldn't feel like a lost little girl again. I could have continued my life as it was and completely forgotten about my parents. Now I have to deal with the fact that my father died without me by his side. I have to deal with the fact, that my father died with his last words to me being "I never want to see you again.". I just didn't know to handle this.

We get out of the bed to eat breakfast and start our day. " I want to make you breakfast." Emma says. "You don't have to go to work until 3:00pm. Until then I want you to relax." Emma says holding my hands Infront of me, leading me into the kitchen. "If I'm not mistaken, you don't know how to cook miss swan." I laugh.

"I've made a few things in my life and they weren't terrible. How hard can it be to make breakfast?" Emma asks with a big smile. "Ok, just don't burn my house down." I sigh. "I promise." She says excitingly jumping in the air.

"What would you like for breakfast?" Emma says getting out pans and eggs.
I sit down at the island and think. "How about some tamales?" I ask. She looks at me as if I was crazy. "For breakfast?" She asks confused. "Yes. I would love some. My father loved to cook and his favorite thing to make was tamales." I smile. "it's not that hard. I'll help you." I say getting up and going into my cabinets and fridge to get the ingredients.

"You're one crazy lady." She laughs.
After six hours of hard labor and three tries Emma finally makes six tamales. "I hope these ones are good." I laugh. "They better be." She adds.

We sit at the dinner table and take our first bites of the tamales. "Mmmm" I moan. "There pretty good. Not so bad for your... Fourth time." I laugh. "I'm a professional chef now." She laughs and nod. I just shake my head and enjoy my lunch. "Shit babe, it's 4:00." Emma laughs. "It's ok. We must have lost track of time." I smile. 

"I guess I better get to work. I have a press conference today regarding our relationship. I have to hurry before Sydney releases his article." I huff "are you sure you want to go to work?" Emma asks." I'm fine. Making lunch with you has me in high spirits.' I smile. "Should I come to the conference?" Emma asks. "If you would like." I respond. "The conference should be quick. As I said before. We started our relationship before I knew you were sheriff and me being your employer shouldn't get in the way of our personal life."  I say gathering my trash and throwing it away.