Safeword ⛓

"I know that I must do what's right"

Y/N's time was up. After her conversation with Strange a week ago, she came to the realisation that she actually had to leave. The risk, it wasn't worth it. Strange explained that if the team remembered her, it would cause some kind of alternate timeline where y/n wasn't forgotten. He also said that these two realities flowing parallel to one another would eventually cause a tear in this current one. Y/N yearned to live in that reality. The reality where the team had reached her just a few moments earlier. Where she hadn't been forced to make them all forget her. She'd be with Loki. Home.

After telling the team of her departure, she was met with heartfelt goodbyes. It seemed the team had really taken a liking to her. Hearing of y/n's departure, Loki was torn. He didn't want to let y/n go but he couldn't bring himself to beg her to stay. Clearly she didn't hold him in the same high esteem he held her in or she wouldn't be leaving. That's what he kept telling himself.

Y/N went back into her room to finish the last of her packing. She was pretty much finished but still had a couple of pieces laying around like her hairbrush and the gift she bought herself. She hadn't properly opened it yet. She was saving it. Savouring it.
What better time than now she thought opening it up fully and removing the contents.

Loki wanted to say goodbye, a proper goodbye not the one he gave her during the group hug with the team. Despite Loki trying his hardest to downplay his emotions, he did Love y/n. Not that he really knew why. It was like it was innate. He knew he loved how she looked, laughed, carried herself, spoke, lit up the room with her presence, made others laugh, cared for people, cared for him. He thought back to a while ago when they had all gone on a small mission and he took a bullet to his side trying to shield one of the people they were rescuing. Once in the medical wing back at the compound, he noticed that y/n didn't once leave his side. She stayed. They didn't really speak but he felt relaxed knowing she was there. Loki couldn't just let her leave without saying goodbye.

Once y/n had opened the box and retrieved its contents, she began unchanging. Once she was naked, she looked down at what she had bought herself. It was laid out on her bed waiting for her to change into it. A green Gucci tulle lingerie set identical to the one Loki had gifted her in what felt like a lifetime ago. Smiling at the memory she began to put it on. Standing in the mirror looking at her reflection she thought-

One last time whilst picking up her phone.

"Hey siri, play Africa by Toto"

"Playing Africa by Toto"

Listening to the instrumental introduction, y/n started shimmying her shoulders. Grinning, she then let her hands wander over her abdomen. She looked at the floor in front of her now barren wardrobe as her hands rested on her stomach. She thought back to that night with Loki. The way he wrapped his arms around her as she cried in the shower. The way he carried her out and helped her get changed. His red cheeks when she'd use his arm to steady herself and he'd accidentally glance at her. The way his eyes widened when he saw the damage on her. The way he so lovingly knelt down and gently kissed each bruise.

"I hear the drums echoing tonight, but she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation"

Y/N beamed whilst singing the lyrics picking up the pace of her movements.

"She's coming 12:30 flight, the moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation"

Looking back at herself in the mirror, she grinned even wider when she touched the lace of her lingerie remembering her night with Loki in the hotel. When he told her he loved her.

I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies. He turned to me as if to say "Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you"

At this point, y/n was spinning around her room dancing. She replayed her all her memories with the team. Touching the slight dent in the wall, she thought of when there was a spider on her wall and Steve threw his shield at it. Looking at the paint that had peeled off of the wall by the floor near the door, she thought back to when Thor would leave his hammer leaning against it whenever he'd come in her room. Dancing around the empty room, y/n felt a sense of acceptance washing over her. When she arrived back at the compound after Hydra, the team just told her that this was a spare room. They thought it looked uncared for, abandoned, but y/n knew it wasn't the case. Every mark on the wall was a memory. Every crack was a souvenir. She felt home here.

"I know that I must do whats right"

Whilst y/n was spinning around dancing with a huge smile on her face, she didn't hear her door knock. She carried on running her hands over her body whirling around the room singing.

Tears started falling from her eyes. They weren't really sad tears. They weren't exactly happy either. They were mostly tears of mourning. She still wore a smile as the tears fell. She carried on singing.

She didn't notice the person at the door walking in.

"Frightened of this thing that I've become"

Singing this part of the song, y/n thought back to her time at Hydra. The feeling of relief that encased her when she saw Loki bursting through the doors to the room she was in. The wound she felt in her heart when Loki looked at her blankly and referred to her as just someone.

Beginning to actually cry, y/n carried on dancing and singing with a smile still on her face. She didn't notice his eyes on her. The smile that also graced his face. The recollection.

"I bless the rains down in Africa"

Y/N closed her eyes recalling all of these memories. She didn't see the box on the floor. Tripping over, y/n was on her way down until she felt two arms wrapping around her breaking her fall.