IN YOUR DREAMS...

ch 27:Tears and only tears...

Don't keep pushing me away.Everytime you do,the distance between us grows further.And one day,I'll be so far from you that you won't find me anywhere.
Every heart has its own melody but why does mine,dance according to your beats?...I found home in between your arms but now I no longer find those arms around me!
Love is not complicated,our feelings are.

I slept nicely yesterday 'cause it was the only escape from reality.At first,I slept to meet him in the dreams but now I sleep to forget that he's a reality.
The heavy skylight of Ink blue is slowly withdrawing from the back.The dawn that was just born is like a cute red baby that spits fire!It is drapped with thick fluffy white cotton.I heard the grasshoppers go 'whizzzzzz'.Thank you for waking me up or I would just be sleeping to compete with the sleeping beauty.
I was not in the mood to go to school.But though I know it will only hurt so bad,I still wanted to see him.
So I started to get myself ready.
When I looked at myself in the mirror,I was scared that I wanted to go screaming for about a minute.But I just went closer and studied my face.It was all puffed up,eyes red and swollen and my hair being totally messy.I hate myself when I look in the mirror.I won't blame the others if they hate me.
When I saw myself after the shower.I was a little satisfied as I looked much better than before.But I didn't know whether I was tired or lazy or weak.I lingered around the hallways waiting for food.Ann has made her best efforts in preparing breakfast.She was so happy that she told me that she'll take care of the dishes.
She has made a cheese chilly pizza.I could see the tomato,pepper,chicken and most importantly cheese floating on that.It looked disgusting but I decided to eat silently without making any remarks.I didn't want to spoil her mood.
"How is it?".she asked,taking a bite herself.
"Hmmm,good"
"It should be.I tried my best",she was eating it as though it was so delicious.Her happiness will make everything sweet for her.
"Thank you.Well,where is my sandwich?"
"Well,mom didn't come home neither did she ask you about me.So why should I buy you one?"
"What?",I got up from my place.
"Fine.I'll buy it today".
"You sure?"
She nodded.
We ate in silence.I looked up to see her when she passed me the sauce.
"What's wrong with you?You're acting weird nowadays",she was eating her last piece of pizza.
"I was just worried about a friend of mine.She seems to be upset of the guy who doesn't love her back".I said.
I didn't have the strength to say the truth.
"Just beacause you love somebody doesn't mean that they have to love you back;say your friend to move on".
"Move on?It is not easy like you say",I was a little impatient.
"Well,Is she gonna keep loving him forever with a false hope?Then you shouldn't blame that boy,she is the one who is causing pain for herself".she retorted.
She was right?But how on earth will I find a way to move on?I don't want to move on?I see him daily;that makes me happy.That is more than enough for me.

I waved her goodbye before leaving for school.
Why am I chasing someone who doesn't even know who I am? That could be a huge mistake but I'm convincing myself by saying,"I always have a place inside his heart.His memories will return back,gradually".
But I don't know the truth.Will he ever remember me,remember how we used to be happy for having each other?
I sighed heavily as I entered the school campus.My holidays will begin next month and mom said we were moving to another city,somewhere near.I protested saying I'll stay here and that I can live alone but she'll just drag me along with her.Whatever city we move on to,she and dad will spend most of their days in the laboratory.If I stay here,I could atleast meet Shane regularly.
I saw Shawn and Shane and some other boys talking and laughing.
I waved hello only to Shawn,as I sat down.
I didn't join their conversation.But Shawn kept talking to me about something which I could barely hear,as I was thinking about a way to bring back Shane's lost memories.
When Shane came and sat beside me,I passed my note to him.By this way,I'll have something to discuss about.
"You can copy my notes.Exams are approaching,right?"
"Thank you",he smiled.
I caught him staring at me."We've just met but it feels like I've known you for a long time"
Like I said,People shall forget someone but they can't forget how they made them feel.
"Maybe!There might be a chance that we may have known each other",I shrugged.
"You need any help? ",asked Meiko tossing her curls back.She was helping Shane with his homework.
We were only exchanging looks all day.I had so much to speak but yet remained silent.No matter what I say,he won't understand.He remained silent because he didn't know what to speak.
He is the one who talks the most in my dreams but now it really feels strange when I see him being silent like this.But whenever Shawn tried to talk to me,he immediately starts blabbering something to get my eyes on him.So,he still feels something for me but he doesn't know that.

When Shawn and I walked home together,he was stubborn and wanted to come with me too;but Shawn just refused and started running so fast holding my hands.She was standing there looking like a lost puppy.I felt so bad for him.He is still not familiar with the routes of the city.But Shawn doesn't help him at all and I've never seen them walk home together.
What am going to do,stuck in between these two brothers?

The sun was showering its grace on the people so I decided to go with a full sleeved high neck solid black top and relaxed jeans.
I entered the coffee shop through its giant front doors.I muttered greetings as I walked past the counter.As I got closer to the AC,a cool burst of air made me sneeze twice in quick succession,shaking my whole body.
I helped a staff in icing the cupcakes. Another one was frosting a batch of cupcakes in the oven.After the work inside the small bakery ended smoothly.I went to the main hall to look after the customers.This was really exhausting,I had to keep walking from side to side.Its annoying to answer the questions of all the customers;some keep asking questions but leave without even ordering something.How do the bartenders always manage to have a smile on thier faces?

After a long day,I returned home and ran down a shower.I thought of going through the pendant poster once again to see if I could find something.A way to restore his memory!

We're all in search of our forevers but fail to enjoy the 'now'.I will keep waiting for him but I will also cherish the time with him until it lasts.
He gave me a million reasons to stay;but I'm going to be the reason he'll need, to not leave me and walk away.