𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑. 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘴

𝘨𝘴 | 𝘢

LOST LOVING:
GWEN STACEY

𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 : tezzarino

[𝙩𝙬 - 𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙠 𝙤𝙛 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝, 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙨𝙩, 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙪𝙢𝙖]

𝘠/𝘕

SHE WAS GONE. My Gwen was really gone. I never really thought about how the relationship would end, but I never thought I'd lose her to something as obscure and untrustworthy as death. Now, standing over her grave just made the prospect even worse, because it was all very real.

The funeral service had been a small reception, filled with dressed-in-black grievers and heart-wrenching condolences, 'sorry-for-your-loss'-es and 'she-was-good'-s. The rain didn't make it any better, just turned it into one of those film-like shit pieces that make people bawl for no reason.

You know, all my life I always reckoned that I'd settle for a man, probably a boy not too much older than me, who would want everything that I wanted and more; who wanted kids and to settle down, get a good job, retire early. Every little bit of that life sounded like paradise, but that was until I met Gwendolyne Stacey.

Bright character, she was. Beautiful by name, and beautiful by nature - as the cliché goes. Every minute spent with her was like spending it in heaven, except neither of us were dead. I met her at school, and being the new kid in town, everyone wanted to know my name, to know if my parents dealt shit like the rumors had said. She, and her friends were the only people to showed me a little humanity, a little decent respect, and I admired her for it.

Weeks turned to months, my trust for the woman grew, something in me sparked and I realised that, fucking hell, I was not straight.

Shit, it'd been so long since I listened to my heart that I realised I'd been blocking out everything that could have brought me light. I lived in the dark, as the child of an addict and a half ass, who only showed up when it was of use to them. Gwen showed me that was more to life than the tediousness of family, she promised me a world of smiles and kisses and rainbows. And I followed, like the hopeless idiot she'd made me. Because I loved her.

And she loved me.

I did more than love her. My heart was buried with her body, in the deep, glazed oak casket we buried earlier.

My heart is racing again. I can feel the pounding in my chest, where its knowing into my ribcage, clawing to get out. I let it sink back down, drowing out its noise with my own heavy breathing.

"Didn't think you'd be here," says a voice from behind. Turning my head to the side, I peek over my shoulder, spying Peter approaching cautiously.

"I don't think there's a time when I'm not."

"So you sleep here too? Must be cold."

I roll my eyes at his playing words, but they're eating me up inside. Peter, being Peter, knew how much I despised the subtly of small talk, and he knew that they only reason I wasn't ripping his throat out was because Gwen would be scolding me from heaven.