𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑. 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘴

𝘸𝘮 | 𝘢

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[𝙩𝙬 - 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙨𝙩, 𝙙𝙚𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙞𝙣𝙟𝙪𝙧𝙮, 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩!𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙖, 𝙙𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙚𝙧!𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧.]

𝘠/𝘕

I BROKE MY leg when I was seven. I was being reckless when climbing the tree in the compound garden - thought it best to jump instead of inching my way back down the way I'd come. Insanely stupid of me at the time, and honestly was one of the worst mistakes of my life.

Mum had coddled me as soon as I cried out for her, and I think she's heard the snapping of my bone louder than I had because she was out the back door before her name left my mouth. She has scolded me for being so silly as to jump a few meters, but then she turn soft and sorry. From there, she rushed me to the hospital and never left my side. We waited about four hours in that waiting room until we got to see a doctor, who x-rayed my leg and deemed me unfit to walk for about two months. He put me on crutches, and wrapped my leg up tightly in a pot and cast, the bandage blue as I had asked for it to be. Mum never left my side as we got back to the car, but it didn't feel like my Mum anymore. Her heart raced as soon as I stumbled, the crutches getting under my feet, a wooziness setting in. From there, Mum tucked the crutches under her arm and lifted me to the car - super-mum style.

I said nothing more when she strapped me into the backseat, and I hardly moved when her hair fell into my face when she primarily reached for the seat belt. It smelled of her shampoo, sweet coconut and lemons. She herself smelled of lavender and sage, two things of which she said she'd grown as a child in Sokovia, before things got . . . Bad.

Once we got back to the compound, she rushed me to bed after a bowl of soup and a glass of water. Natasha had complained to Mum about her constant weariness, but Mum had only replied out of spite.

"This is no concern of yours, Natasha. You will never know what it's like to care for a child."

I knew she regretted it as soon as she spoke. She apologied quickly and continued to usher me up the stairs. I was surprised by the tone she'd spoken in, but after the loss of her brother, I guess another loss wasn't a card on the table for her.

I still understand why she did what she did, but it's restricting all the same.

Mum didn't leave me alone for days after that, especially as I couldn't walk properly. Besides, being a seven year old and having a broken leg was not ever the best combination. I leaned into her when I could, feeling her warmth and comfort - and when she wasn't there (which was the rare occasion) I learned to snuggle in close with someone else, normally Natasha or Maria. I lived my best life back then, having no idea what consequences I'd sprung on my future self.

My mum came into the living room next evening, where Natasha and I sat playing cards on the sofa - or at least she was playing and I was messing around listening to her teach me. We were having a laugh when Mum asked Nat to speak with her a moment. And like any curious kid, once Nat followed Mum out of the room, I followed, leaning into the wall to be able to hear the conversation.