Saving Me (A 2doc Fanfic)

21) end

Murdoc sighs. He'd never start a band if it meant falling in love with his singer. No matter how bad Murdoc treated him and denied feelings in the past he was very torn up inside, and now that he's had a taste of the sweet love Stuart had to offer he feels like he's dying.

He drops his duffle bag and let's his body fall unceremoniously onto the motel bed with an oomph.

He didn't realize how old and tired he felt until now. That's the bad thing about sobriety, unfortunately, you can feel everything as your body heals. Probably why he returns to his addiction so quickly. He doest want to hurt.

He could feel how his bones were languid and sore and it made him sick. His whole existence did, if he was honest with himself. He didn't deserve Stuart; or anybody for that matter.

He was just like his father.

Murdoc let's out a shuddering sob and curls up into himself. He tried so hard to not be the one thing he hates most but he's a fucking spitting image of it. Why does he destroy everything good in his life? As he falls into a pit of his own self pity his phone buzzes, pulling him out of it before he even starts. "What?" He sniffles, wiping his eyes and trying to press back the lump in his throat. "I'm outside. Open the door." Russel's voice responds, laced with tension and a hint of pain.

He gets up slowly and crosses the room to let the bigger man in. He gives a slight duck as he shuffles past the bassist, he turns and glares at him. "Noodle's heartbroken,"
"I know."
"Her family is split up,"
Murdoc meets his eyes warily. Was he gonna beat him? He deserved it.

Russel stares at him a moment longer before letting out a sigh and patting Murdoc's shoulder. "I probably shouldn't mention this considering your state but, your brother called."
Murdoc's stomach drops, he hasn't spoken to his brother in nearly a decade. "...what does he want?" He askes in a small voice.

Russel straightens up a bit. "Uh, how do I put this uh.. lightly? Your.. dad died." Murdoc freezes a little before letting out a small laugh. "Really?" Russel backs up uncomfortably. "Yeah; you I wouldn't joke about that man,"
"God I wish you would. Well, how did he die? Over dose, liver failure, got shot?" He askes cockily.  "Why didn't I  get a call?" He whispers, letting tears fall freely. "Why do I hurt everyone Russ?"

"Aw, shit. Murdoc, you can't blame yourself. 2d's vision going out had nothing to do with you. You didn't do anything. Hannibal wanted to keep it discreet until I felt you needed to know."
"How long has he been dead then?"
"Just a day. Hannibal suspected his time was coming and wanted to give me a heads up."
Murdoc drops back onto the bed. "I still beat him."
"You're not yourself when you're intoxicated Muds, nobody is really. We can forgive that, we just need to keep you sober."
Murdoc whimpers. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so horrible. I- I've done bad things."

Russel sighs before climbing onto the bed with him and patting him gently. "You just have some trauma to work through. We'll get you a counselor. Your life doesn't have to revolve around us or what you've been conditioned to."
Murdoc chuckles through his tears. "You shoulda been a shrink instead a a drummer."
"Fuck off, I'm good at what I do."
"Yeah and what's that blubber head?"
"Being a dad to Noodle and being your friend."
Murdoc sits up and embraces the bigger man. "Always."
----

Murdoc notices how quiet it is when he gets back. He takes in the newly painted walls, donning greens, blues and yellows. It reminds him of the ocean. A gentle breeze sifts through the livingroom, inviting him outside.

Stuart is sitting on the back porch, staring straight ahead and Murdoc has to assume he's meditating.

Noodle pushes by him giving him a smile before jumping onto a new rope swing hanging from the twisted oak. A white sundress billowing around her.

Russel walks behind him, giving him a little shove towards Stuart. "Talk to him." He mouths.

Murdoc walks over slowly, he sits next to Stuart and notices that his eyes have lost thier film and he has irises. They're hazel, blue and green with hints of gold. He's let his chin grow some hair too. It's only been a week since the motel but Murdoc finds himself falling in love with Stuart all over again.
"Mr. Niccals, I believe you have something to say to me?" Stuart grins, flashing newly repaired teeth, well one.
"I love you Stuart Pot,"
Stuart breaks out into a wider smile. "I know, idiot. What else?"
"I see you learned to tie your shoes. Maybe you don't need me after all." He teases.
Stuart rolls his eyes. "Noodle did 'em."
"You're beautiful and I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you ever again. I'm going to get sober, for good."

Stuart grabs his hand. "Good. Welcome home old man."