Just Thoughts

I

1.17.20

My first page.

My mind blank like a void as I wrote, type the words. Words that aren't given any second thoughts formulating it letter by letter without care.

Who would? Care I mean.

It's part of my hundreds drafts of stories unfinished. It will only fall to something of not importance among my series of nonsense fantasies.

A world that doesn't exist. Memories that I do not have. Experiences I wrote without much thought just because I desired it to be like it.

I call myself not a writer, nor a poet or a talented person, but a lonely person in a small corner of the world.

I don't wish for the world to know yet I'm looking for others that could understand.

Understand what? You would ask.

But whats the point in understanding when you can't still get any solace? Solititude? You understand but can't do anything.

Is it not the same as not knowing at all?

Cowards. Most would call them.

Those who knew the darkness of a person's heart but won't take a step because of shame and what nonsense reasons there is.

Those who knew the darkness, those who understood yet have done nothing because they do not understand truly and is plagued by the effects of their decisions to end as worst. Those who do not act because of circumstances, responsibilities of other things and other possible reasons there is.

Truthfully, those are topics I force myself not to pursue. Because you will get to no end as there is no definite reasons. One question will only lead to a dozen more.

It is endless and bottomless and that is why it is useless to ponder on such thought when you will never reach on a conclusion or end result.

Ah but most people thinking all of this is useless to begin with. My thoughts drifting from my loneliness, desperation to these useless arguments.

But I don't think it is useless. Thinking about minor things lets you discover of the larger things. Primary things that are important as enlightenments from your own understanding.

I too, have reached several conclusions and confusions. Everything would always start with, what if? How did? And the likes.

My own curiosity and thirst for answers of Why's lead me to my current complicated thinking.

My friends would sometimes call my rhymes 'too deep' or 'too profound' for them to understand easily.

But it isn't really as some lines have surface meanings with a dark background.

"Walking on uncertainty, If I fall I'll be gone for eternity."

Is an example of my random rhymes. It displays literal and surface meanings yet it can also be seen as a deep basis for the rhyme itself.

Like how someone is walking on a thin pole that curves and bends in the darkness. The road up ahead can't be seen as the future is uncertain and you could only see your feet balancing on the pole taking one step after another. Uncertain if you're going the right way, taking the right turn and step as you can't turn back and sometimes falter and loose out of balance. The fear from falling in the endless darkness which bottom you cannot see.

Such is life. Such is the future.