⁜ lover's oath, collector's edition ⁜

◇{xiao-- "i'm too weak for this." }◇

angst time! get ur tissues ready :)

warnings: mentions of depression, anxiety, fighting, blo0d

--you lose your strength, and xiao comes to help.--

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you had always been the strongest of the adepti, being the only one left standing--besides xiao.

as much as the two of you fought, you were reasonably close. occasionally, you would bring him almond tofu after you knew he had a rough day, and every now and then, he would take you to your favorite lookout on a mountain to see the clouds.

although, you hadn't talked to him in a while, and xiao found this...strange, to say the least.

you were usually out fighting, or helping a civilian in liyue; sometimes you'd go as far as to play hide and seek with the kids around town. either way, you seemed to be everywhere, all at the same time. but, as of recent, you hadn't been spotted in town, in the mountains, or by the active locations for ruin guards--which you loved to fight.

while some told xiao to leave you be, he couldn't help but go out looking for you. but, when he was unsuccessful in his search, he began to panic, resorting to a plan B.

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sitting in your bed with your knees curled up to your chest, dried blood still splattered across your cheeks, you felt your hands begin to shake. another day of trying to find your strength, and you just...couldn't. not that it was gone, you had just become--what's the word? numb? angry? you couldn't say. you felt lifeless, but filled with anger. you had become your worst fear: a worthless adeptus, troubled by your own emotions.

nothing in particular caused it, but the last few weeks had been tormenting. not only were you having trouble helping out civilians, but you only fought well when you were angry, which doesn't bode well with being an adeptus. you began to think with your anger instead of your heart, and that caused quite a few arguments.

for example, someone might be surrounded by slimes, but instead of helping the person after defeating the slimes, your anger takes over and you try attacking them, or just run off. it pained you to see how many people you had truly let down. the disappointment of others affected you the most, making it incredibly difficult to function properly without feeling like you let everyone down.

as an adeptus, you had a duty to fulfill. but, what was your purpose, if not fulfilling your one, true duty?

as you began to cry into your arms once more, you heard an all-too familiar scream come from across the land. jumping to your feet, anger bubbled in your chest at the thought of what it could mean. grabbing your weapon, you ran out the door, moving through fields and rivers, attempting to find the source of the screaming.

after running out of stamina, you slowed to a jog and looked around, eyebrows furrowing. all of a sudden, an arrow shot past your head, laced with elemental energy.

you lunged at the attacker, your claymore slicing through the air before landing onto the attacker, ending them with one swipe. you looked around for more enemies, expecting there to be at least three more, but instead found a determined adeptus, perched on a tree branch. he got down, his eyes soft as they studied you.

he noticed your dirtied skin, the blood being days old. his heart dropped the more he stared, seeing your exhausted expression and the bruises covering your limbs. he expected you to be ill in some way or another, but he didn't see this coming.

"y/n...what's wrong? what's been going on?" he asked, slowly walking towards you.

"don't- don't come near me, i might hurt you. please, just go. before i ruin you, as well." you sighed, sitting down and resting your head in your hands. you didn't want it to end this way, xiao seeing you at your weakest. you wanted him to keep the perfect image of you in his head: one where you were smiling, where your clothes were clean, where your mind was clear. now, you felt foggy, and filled with dread, like nothing mattered anymore.

xiao frowned, not knowing exactly how to deal with the situation, but he sat down next to you anyway.

"listen, while i might not know how to help with your pain, i can tell you that you won't hurt me. have you seen me at my worst? yes. but when you were there for me, did i hurt you? no. did i ruin you? no. you will not harm me, y/n, just let me assist." he comforted, laying a hand on your knee as reassurance. you looked up at him, your eyes ready to spill all of the anger and fear out of your soul.

"i've been so weak lately, and my anger drives me. i disappoint everyone i try helping, and i can't fulfill my duty as an adeptus. i'm worth nothing, xiao! can't you see? there's nothing here to help. i'm a lost cause. i only hurt the people i love, and i can't do anything about it." you explained, tears flowing down your cheeks and wetting the dried blood. you tried to wipe your face, but your hand was blood-red when you pulled it back, only making you cry more. the soft sounds of your sniffling and whimpering was enough for xiao to move closer, pulling you against his chest. your tears soaked his shirt, but he couldn't care less.

"we'll get through this. i can guarantee, no one in liyue is disappointed in you. people are worried, they miss you! archons, even i miss you. it's okay to go through a rough patch. what's important, is that i'm right here with you. we can stay here as long as you like, darling." he soothed, every now and then whispering sweet words to you to calm you down.

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"yeah, no problem, suzie! have a wonderful day!" you said, walking down the rocky sidewalk. xiao waited at the end of the path, a small grin on his face. "how was that? everything go okay?" you nodded, a smile on your face.

"yeah, she was really happy to see me again!" xiao smiled at that, holding out his arm for you to take his hand. the two of you walked off, to the next location.

it had been two weeks, and xiao helped you find your strength, even when you struggled with it. you couldn't thank him enough for his support, and you had grown closer in the short amount of time you were spending together.

xiao decided that it would be best to accompany you on your tasks, and having him on the sidelines was really beneficial.

even if you still had bad days, you always felt a bit better next to your adepti companion.

plus, now you can get back to fighting ruin guards--which you love to do.

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eek i don't like this one

but i'm still putting it out

bc why not :D

much love <3

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