Frigid Love

Chapter 30

(TW: Mention of suicide and abuse)

"Father?" I called, wondering through the large winding hallways of the ice palace.

Muffled voices filled the room I was approaching.

"Why can't we just send her to Asgard?" My father spoke, clearly talking about me.

"Odin has no interest in having another Frost Giant in his kingdom." Laufey informed.

Another?

"Y/n isn't needed here, she's a bother and is of no use if she cannot bare a child." My father argued.

"If she is such an issue, just kill her. You had no trouble doing that to her mother." Laufey suggested.

"You killed my mother?!" I shouted, running into the room with tears filling my eyes.

"Y/n, you have no business being here, get out!" My father yelled.

"You murdered her! Why?"

"Because she gave birth to you! You were a mistake, Y/n! You are not my child! You never have been and never will be my child!"

His words hit me like a bus.

"Get out of here!" My father yelled.

Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, I pushed down my feelings and stood my ground.

"No." I stated firmly.

"You dare disobey me?!"

My father walked up to me, his arm flew out and his hand struck my face with a loud smack. I slapped him back, harder before running out of the palace.

My eyes shot open as I jolted awake, tears falling down my face in the process. I shook Loki awake by accident, his eyes darted up to me to see what was wrong.

I let out a quiet sob and tried to calm myself down.

Loki quickly released my waist from his arms and sat up a little before brushing my hair from my face and wiping away my tears.

"Y/n? What happened? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Loki worried.

I shook my head no as my breathing slowed and my sobbing stopped.

"Nightmare." My voice croaked out.

Loki wasn't sure how to respond so in return, he placed a kiss on my forehead and pulled me to his chest. He stroked my hair until he knew for sure I was okay and I calmed down completely.

I looked up at him and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"Are you okay now?" He asked as our lips parted. He wanted to know what the nightmare was about, but he didn't want to pressure me into speaking. He knew I would talk about when I wanted.

I nodded placed my head back onto his chest before drifting asleep once again.

...

My eyes fluttered open and met Loki's. He smiled at me in admiration as he brushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear. He placed his hand on the back of my head and pulled my forehead to his lips.

"How long have you been awake?" I asked, seeing his tired eyes.

"Since last night." Loki stated quietly.

"What?! Loki! You need sleep!"

"I'm fine. I couldn't sleep after you had your nightmare, I was worried about you." Loki mumbled the last few words.

"I said I was fine! It was just a dream." I spoke.

"Regular dreams don't have you wake up in a cold sweat and tears, Y/n."

I pried my eyes from his and looked away from him, not knowing what to tell him.

"What was the nightmare about?" Loki asked.

"My dad, Laufey, my life back in Jotunheim." I listed, still directing my gaze from his. "It wasn't really a nightmare, more like a bad memory."

Loki gave me an inquiring look before I continued.

"The day I was exiled, was also the say that I overheard my father speaking to Laufey. He was asking why he couldn't just send me away because I was too much of a bother, a chore, the child he never wanted, let alone the daughter he never wanted...I overheard Laufey ask why my father wouldn't just kill me like he did my mother. I ran into the room and confronted him. He yelled at me and told me how he never loved me or even wanted me for that matter. He told me to get out of the palace and I disobeyed. He hit me and I hit back before running out of the palace. Hurt and anger flooded my vision and I...I tried to kill myself. But, my plan backfired, I applied too much heat while trying to burn myself. The area around me got too hot and exploded, along with half of Jotunheim. Don't ask me how I survived, because I don't know. I should have died not them." I was practically sobbing the sentence.

Loki's eyes threatened to release tears as he listened. He pulled me closer to him and I sobbed into his shirt.

"Shhhh...shhhh." Loki placed his hand on the back of my head and the other wrapped tightly around my shoulders.

I gripped his shirt tightly and buried my face into his shoulder.

"It was supposed to be me, Loki. It's my fault. It's all my fault. And now I have to live with that guilt of their deaths along with the guilt I have for killing that man." I cried into his shirt.

"Hey, look at me." Loki ordered and loosened his grip on me, pulling his hands up to cup my face.

He wiped away my tears and kissed my forehead before speaking again.

"I have done far worse. This wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known." He assured.

"You were mind controlled, you had no control over what you were doing. I knew the risks of my actions and I-"

Loki crashed his lips into mine, cutting me off mid sentence. I kissed him back and melted at his touch. He pulled away and i rested my forehead on his.

"It seemed to work on me when you did it, I figured I'd try it for myself." Loki smirked.

I let out a small laugh and Loki pulled his forehead from mine, wiping the remaining tears from my face before assuring me once again that it wasn't my fault and placing several soft and short kisses on my lips and face.