The Girl He Forgot

Alexis

Can I ask you a question? A simple question with so many answers? Just one question that somebody asks when they need serious help? Just one question that is so difficult to answer, I have been thinking about it ever since I could think and I still haven't figured out the answer? JUST ONE QUESTION!... that's all i need to ask...

Where do I go? Honestly, I don't think there is anywhere where I can FINALLY be happy. I might be a lost cause.

I gave Annabeth her stuff back. All of it. I did a lot of things in my life so far, and none of them mean anything to me. I really wish they did, or could, but they don't. I shadow-travelled out of Tartarus. I'm walking. I don't know where I am, and I don't care. I'm walking.

I can't go back. That's what the problem was, and I had to explain to Damasen and Bob that I couldn't go back. My lips quavered. My voice dropped quieter than a whisper... but I didn't cry. I can't cry. It would break me, and all the strength I have left, which isn't much. I can't let my feelings out because if I did I wouldn't be able to stop. Everything would pour out and I would be exposed. If anybody knew then I would just cave in to more and more people and everybody would know who I was before I did. Because I don't know who I am. I keep changing and it's so frustrating because it changed my thoughts. When I'm in my Hades form I feel like Bianca: silent but deadly. When I'm in my Poseidon form I feel like Percy; I feel like a demon in battle and I am always thinking of funny jokes when I don't actually think about it. When I'm in my Zeus form, I feel like her. I always want to yell and scream and let all my anger out. And I hate being alone. It's why I hate my Zeus form the most. It could ruin everything.

There's a fourth form, and it feels the most like me.  I have wavy brown hair to my shoulders with caramel highlights, my face is freckled and my skin tone is tanned. My eyes turn to hazel and green (heterochromia, both colours on each pupil). This was my natural form for a long time. My thoughts were calm and my only focus was on finding my family. I would always focus on the future and what I would do once I was free. That form was the one thing that I had no idea about. It couldn't be an olympian god or goddess (too rough and harsh) and there are hundreds and thousands of other deities out there. Maybe ones I haven't even heard of. It might be a titan... Hecate? No, too dark - and pale, ironically - and it couldn't be Hypnos (obviously). So, who was it?

My feet walked on a different surface now - water. The most beautiful feeling suddenly swept through me. A feeling I didn't know. Something nice. I took a deep breath in and it felt like my sadness and my worries flew away with my exhale. I looked down at my reflection. That girl was back. The one I didn't know anything about. The one that looked forward... and the one that was free. I reached into the pocket of my flannel shirt and fished out a coin and a rainbow eraser. I think it's time I owe someone a call. I bent down and swiped the eraser on the surface of the water. It went through it, so I had to be extra careful. With every stroke, colours emblazoned themselves on the blue waves. I whispered a prayer that this would go well. And with that, I tossed the coin onto the surface. "O' Fleecy, do me a solid. Show me Clarisse La Rue at Camp Half-Blood."

The mist formed to show the sword arena. A muscular girl was holding a spear and slaying the dummies in front of her like the war demon she was born to be. She suddenly froze and her neck hair tingled. She whizzed around and brandished her spear, but when she saw me her face morphed into an expression I'm sure nobody has ever seen on her before. She smiled. Her face broke into a wide, toothy grin.

"ALEXIS!"

"Clarisse! How's life on the other side?"

"Boring," her smile dissipated, but I could tell she was still happy to see me, "All we have is preparations for if the battle comes to us. I never thought I'd say this but I MISS KRONOS!"