Fluid

The Begining

At age eight I knew something was different about me. Sometimes I dressed like a boy amd wanted, well a penis, but other times I felt like a girl. But most of time I wanted nothing between my legs and I wanted to dress and act how ever I felt on the inside. This dysphora huants me still.

The bullying started in sixth grade, when people started to care about how you dressed. I was called a idoit and a queer (in the right context it is not an insult, but that was not the case). The girls wouldn't talk to me because I dressed like a boy most of the time, and boys wouldn't talk to me because I would sometimes wear skirts. I was called a faggot in the hallway. I had to hold my bladder whenever I was at school because I didn't know which bathroom to use. One day, during my eighth grade year, (when I was dressed and being masculine) a group of girls tied me to a girls' bathroom stall and beat me while telling me I will never be a real boy. I wished to die and as soon as I got home I took my mothers pain killers and took ten. I hadf to go to the hospital. When I returned to school, my classmates would bump into me and say "I wish you would have died" and for a long time I believed them.

I believed every single word they said.