Kokoro no X (I) ~EDITING~

Two

But something stopped me.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the way she's just standing there, eyes closed, shaking. Is there something wrong with me? I've never had a problem with killing anyone before, even when I was young. I always had my mononoke to convince me of some reason why they had to die.

But now it was silent, and I couldn't move.

Were my hands shaking?

Maybe, I thought. Maybe I'm fighting against him.

But that was impossible. At this point, there should have been nothing left of my real soul. Not that I wanted it, but still, somehow, part of me still hurt knowing I had lost a part of myself. For whatever reason, some reason unknown to me.

I sighed, and dropped my hand that held the knife down to my side.

Sayuri's eyes opened. She looked at the knife, then back at me, an unreadable emotion across her face. I tried again to listen to her thoughts, but once again i was rejected. It was dumb of me to try again, anyway.

We stood there, stuck in an uncomfortable silence for a while. Suddenly she stood up, intending to say something, but she didn't. Instead, she turned towards the door after a moment of thought.

"Uh, it's late, I'd better get home," she stammered, her hand on the door handle. She had just started turning it when I replied.

"Wait." I stood up, turning to face her. Surprised, she looked back at me over her shoulder.

"What is it?" she asked. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"How did you know what I was?"

She tensed. For a moment, I could see - a sense of fear, a child holding a knife. There was blood on the floor, on... was that my skin?

Then, just like that, it was gone.

She ran her fingers through her hair, smiling a bittersweet smile. "I don't think I'm at liberty to say, sorry!"

I sighed, leaning against the wall. Had she let me see what I had seen? Or was that just an accident? Who was the child holding the knife? Was there a chance he could be a Korei Elemental like me? No... He couldn't have been. Though... I couldn't entirely rule out that possibility.

Maybe Sayuri was a Korei Elemental. Maybe that's why she knew how to block me from her mind. It would certainly have explained a lot.

"Hey, it's pretty late, uh. And, uh, Fushunobe gets pretty dangerous at night, so maybe it'd be better if you stayed here?" What was I doing? I'd only known her for a little over a month, and if that wasn't enough I just tried to kill her. I knew she'd say no, why did I even ask-

"Yes!" She replied so fast I barely finished my thought. Even she looked surprised at what she said.

"Really?" Some part of me felt somewhat... happy? But more than anything, I was still confused. Why had she accepted? Just who was she, really?

"Why not?"

"Why not? I just tried to kill you, that's why not."

"I mean, if you had really wanted to, you would have done it. That's the only reason you could have backed out, right?"

It made sense. But I knew for a fact that just hours earlier, I had nothing against killing her.

"I guess. You have a point."

I let her take my room for a reason unbeknownst to me, and I slept on the couch that night. Within an hour, she fell asleep. I knew because I could see her dreams. There was no way to ignore them; they were so loud and chaotic, almost frightening. Shapes lacking any recognizable form, colors exploding and dancing eerily across my vision. Sounds I couldn't place pierced through my mind, giving me a migraine. They went on all night, which arose the question why didn't she wake up? Had she had them so often that it was just habit at this point? That they were normal?

Needless to say, I didn't sleep that night.

And because I had been preoccupied with blocking out Sayuri's dreams, something else surfaced.

----------

I hope you'll forgive me for earlier.

What's there for me to forgive?

I let my guard down, and because of that, she lives.

So what? She didn't deserve it anyway. It's not like I would have gotten anything out of it.

Are you that dense? ya fuckin gay?

What do you mean?

What do you think you've been killing for? Who do you think you've been killing for all these years?

...You?

Wrong, fuckin buddy-o pally-chan weebass fuckin bullshit fuck this fucking christ how do you not fucking understand the basic needs of a fucking kokoro elemeNTAL JESUs you fuckin ignorant cunt what the FUCK (wrong, you daft idiot. why would you think that?)

So it's all for me, is it?

Of course it is. Trust me.

You know I do.

Right, of course you do. No one else cared for you after your mother left you to die in that pile of rubble. No one else told you it would be alright after you were turned away from every home and business in the Fushunobe district. No one else told you how to survive in a world where everyone is turned against you, where no one would ever be able to understand you. I did it all for you; you and only you.

I know. I remember.

You trust no one else but me. Right?

I mean, I trust Yasu. He's more harmless than a bee.

But those can sting.

Yeah, they're also dead.

...I don't quite understand your point, but alright. Just be careful, okay? We'll finish the job soon. I'll take care of your soul.

You'll what? Are you implying-

Yes. The reason you did not kill Sayuri Yukimura is because I let my guard down, and so your true soul tried to take control.

So you're admitting it's your fault?

Sure, if that's what you want to think. It's fine. I have everything under control.

You don't necessarily sound "under control" but okay, whatever.

Trust me, Tamotsu. Everything is under control.

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a/n: yikes it aint long i could make it longer but uhhhh im not gonna bc That's Chapter Three

aNyway sorry it took so long to get this out hhhhh wattpad is being an asshole at all times now and every time i try to Use the App it heccin CRASHES on me and i Do Not Like It At All

but iTS FINE ITS FINE NOT LIKE WATTPAD HAS A REPUTATION AMONG MOST WHICH MAKES ME HELLA NERVOUS TO USE A DESKTOP TO ACCESS IT BUT YKNOW ITS FINE

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee poisoned royal jelly

-parker/milo