Red; Blood and Love | Dazai X Reader

Memories

The sun peered in through the windows, illuminating their figure as they sat with Atsushi and Kyouka. Y/n looked like a child again, free of all the weight. Though they shrouded themselves in dark colors, eyes still mostly cold, they cracked smiles. Dazai remembered when those smiles were caused by him, the days when the two of them walked along the beach at sunset. He'd walk along the wall, threatening to drop. Sometimes even tipping over, only to be caught by their hands pulling him down from the ledge. Dazai smiled, having not noticed he was watching the group with tender eyes.

Y/n sat twirling a pencil as they talked to Atsushi and Kyouka. "Here, Atsushi introduced me to this a while ago." The assassin glanced down to the girl's hands, grabbing the breaded sweet. Within the bread seemed all sorts of different tastes, from fruit to granola, and even chocolate.

"It's called a crepe." Atsushi smiled as both he and Kyouka waited for them to take a bite. Tilting their head, they nibbled on the delight before taking a larger bite with a gleeful hum.

"It's really good! I love it!" They devoured the entire treat in the blink of an eye. Leaving the other two smiling.

Dazai watched their expression morph into joy, watched as they smiled more and more with each passing day. He'd give up hope of anything more than a friendship bond for them to stay like this, for them to slowly age without memory of the older years. To stay this kid forever, happy, and noticing the light wasn't all that bad. To continue growing trusting bonds with people, to not close off from the world. This version of them, the one that didn't look up to him or idolize him, that's the version he knew they deserved to be. He didn't deserve to see this, after all, he'd been the one to ruin their chance in the light, to strip it away with carefully placed silver lining. The thoughts had been kept away, locked in the back of his mind for a while, but they were creeping back with a sense of dread. Slowly making way for the harsh reality... one day they would go back to ignoring him, pretending he didn't exist. One day he'd be nothing more than a figure in the past.

"You know, Dazai, I have a feeling you don't want to finish this job. You want them to stay young like this right?" Dazai turned his head to Ranpo with a smile placed on his face. An empty mask that the detective could see, but never uncover what lay beneath.

"In a way, I suppose you're right Ranpo. I just want them to smile like this. To hold others close without that blank look in their eyes. I want them to trust without fearing they may be used and tossed away. It's what they deserve." Dazai hummed, turning his head back to his work. Looking at the stacks of paper. He'd been careful not to give his work over to Atsushi, to let him enjoy this time with Y/n; to let him make them happy when he could not.

"We should do something fun together!" Dazai found his eyes drawn to them again, lifting from the paper at the sound of their voice.

"We could go out to eat or to the park?" Atsushi suggested a few things to which Y/n shook their head.

"The beach, I like the beach." That pulled Dazai's heart tightly. Memories floating in his head. A gentle smile as they pulled his grumpy self towards the water. Just like that, he was disengaging from reality and plummeting into the world of the past.

"Gosh Dazai! Don't be so grumpy! Behold how beautiful the sky is today!" Their voice rang out into the open air, yelling with joy as their hands grasped his in a firm but soft hold. Tugging him along as they wandered back towards the water.

"I don't like the beach!" Dazai huffed, unless he was going to be drowning, he'd rather not be there. His unbandaged eye examined the sand with utter disgust, always a pain in the ass. Sand got everywhere, even under the bandages. That made it uncomfortable, having little grains running up and down scars. Then there was the saltwater that stung his newer wounds.

"You act like a dreaded cat, Dazai! I bet if I sprayed you with water, you'd hiss and run off!" Dazai narrowed his eyes, though they only saw the eye that was unhidden by bandages.

"I would not! I'm not a stupid kid, you know!"

"Ha? But Dazai, we are kids! Let's be our age, only for a while! I want to run down the sand without my shoes, my voice shouting with laughter as the sun sets just over the horizon! I see it in movies we watch and it looks so fun!" Their eyes sparkled with the light of a hundred joys. Their lips moving with each syllable, but resting in a smile reaching the fullest. The genuine joy and excitement caused him to cave, letting his coat slide to the sand and kicking off his shoes as Y/n did. When he looked up, the child, around his age, was running. Their arms spread wide as the last stretches of water met only millimeters from the skin of their feet. They spun and looked up towards the setting sun. From where Dazai stood, his heart ached. Not the sorrowful ache, but an ache that expressed immeasurable fondness he'd never experienced. This sense of needing to protect that smile, that vulnerable light, however foolish that light may seem. He was the gray between black and white, caring for neither. This child was the light of the world, keeping him in the gray as the darkness threatened to take hold in his mind.

"Come on Dazai!" they showed tilting their head with a closed eye smile. He took off, sand splashing behind him as he ran towards them. They followed the action, rushing towards him. Jumping within his arms as he smiled. It wasn't the first time he genuinely smiled around this person. He always felt lighter, like the world might just have a small meaning. If he could make them his meaning, then perhaps he could stand to live in a bleak world such as this.

"Dazai." Just as quickly as he immersed himself in that world, he pulled himself out of it to pay attention. His eyes focused on the present, as the feelings and sensations of that moment were swept into the far reaches of his mind.

"Yes, Kunikida-Kun?" Dazai smiled, taking a glance at the blond who merely glared.

"Finish your work!" Dazai puffed out his cheeks, staring at the report he was supposed to finish.

"I will, I will, don't worry!" Dazai waved him off searching for the assassin, and nearly panicked when he didn't notice them.

"I lent them my wallet, they're going to the beach for a bit with Atsushi and Kyouka." Dazai nodded, deciding he'd get some work done without the added distraction.