Red; Blood and Love | Dazai X Reader

Even Monsters Love

Under the shining light of the moon, Dazai began to prepare to leave. It wouldn't be long before they were back to themselves. He doubted they would remember anything that happened. They never seemed to remember anything from the last age-up, it was a relief to him in some way. At least then he didn't have to deal with the consequences of spending time together, it would go back to how it was, how it's supposed to be. The two separated by a crater created by him. Laying on his back, he stared up to the ceiling before the door swung open.

This was the fastest age-up they'd experienced yet. "I'm on my way out." Dazai didn't dare to glance at them.

"No, you don't get to just stroll away again." Their voice didn't hold anger, thoroughly dull and emotionless, the truest version of the executive.

"I was only helping out while you recovered." Dazai grabbed his coat, swinging it over his shoulders, standing in silence for a moment before he went to leave. The executive sidestepped, blocking the door.

"Why Dazai? Why would you do this to me? You could have done anything, but you chose to be... like that!" Dazai raised a brow, finally glancing at their face. His eyes threatened to disobey his will: to soften.

"I didn't do anything I wouldn't normally do." He attempted to brush it all off before the executive before him clamped their hands into fists.

"Really? Like you'd normally do? Normally you would have brushed everything under the rug, doing the bare minimum with an annoyed expression. Normally you wouldn't have accepted this! Watching after me, what were you hoping to gain from it, Dazai?" Their face stayed unreadable, with blank eyes, a careless tone, their emotions nonexistent in everything but the small squeeze of their fists.

"I didn't have any motives." Dazai strained his own expression to mirror theirs.

In this age of Y/n, the one whose eyes no longer held light, he'd never seen them get emotional. Their eyes made a sudden narrow, darkening further as they clenched their hands tighter. Hanging their hand before violently swaying it to the side as they shouted, "bullshit! That's bullshit Dazai! It was you who took care of the shaking child! You who didn't take advantage of them. You who could have called me by a gender other than my own but chose not to! So don't you dare tell me you had no second motive behind your fucking actions! You're the one who hurt me! You're the one who promised me comfort and laughter, but took it away and shattered everything! So why Dazai why?" Dazai's surprise, though it lasted less than a second, was noticed by the executive crumbling before him.

"I... what do you want me to say? That I regret leaving? That I'll come back? What do you expect from me Y/n? I changed, I'm a better person, but at the same time... I'm still a selfish bastard, the darkest of mafia black." Y/n shook their head, shoving their fist into the man's chest. The first tears they spilled in so long plummeted to the floor as they hung their head and screamed once more.

"I want to know why you didn't take me with you! Why didn't you take me with you Dazai? It's not fair! It's not fair that you, the cruelest, and the most mafia black in the country, get to live like this while I'm in the darkness swallowed whole in suffering!" Dazai froze, tilting his head.

"Why I... you had Chuuya though?"

"But I loved you, Osamu-Kun... you were the one to introduce me to a gentle touch, to introduce me to the feeling of happiness... I was never loved or accepted at home, but you didn't care if I wasn't perfect. You never laid your hands on me to hurt me, only to brush back my hair or to brush away the dirt with a tenderness I'd never known." Dazai stared off to the side, pressing his lips together. "I knew from the start it would always be one-sided between us. You, an inhuman darkness that couldn't feel, and me, a simple but naive child, but you didn't have to let me go like that."

"Do you hate me?" Dazai stepped back, observing the executive straighten themselves out.

"I should, I should despise you for the pain, but I don't. I did, I hated you, loathed you, even wanted to kill you before this happened. But I remember bits and pieces of the past two months. I remember the feelings most. Your smile, the fondness in your eyes. The kindness you show... that smaller me didn't lie... This version of you was my favorite because it reminded me of that side to your 14-year-old self only I ever saw. The small bit of a child that reminds me of before the mafia wiped it out completely. I wish you'd stolen me into the light Dazai..."

"So do I... but I didn't and we can't have what we had." Dazai met their eyes, both showing what their thoughts spoke. Maybe not what we had, but we can have something new.

He couldn't, no, he didn't want to stop them from collapsing into him. Holding onto him in a tight embrace. He held them just as tight. Even monsters could learn to love and deserve love.

The past can't rewrite itself, nor can it be forgotten, but it can make us better people. Even when you're so broken that you can't be fixed, there is always somebody willing to lay within your arms or brush their fingers down your scars. There will always be somebody who cares for the ugly parts and the bright parts of you. It's only a matter of believing you deserve to be loved and to be happy. "Hey... Dazai?"

"Hm?"

"Oda would be proud of you. You've really become a good man." Dazai's eyes widened before his face fell into a soft thankful expression. His eyes shut with a tender smile on his lips. It wasn't until the next morning Dazai left after saying goodbye. Returning to work, both with a little more light in their eyes.