Breakdown // R. Bortuzzo

Letter #11

Dakotah,

The last time I talked to you was almost two years ago. Long before I last saw you.

I called you, wanting to see if we could make things work even though we had been apart for a few months but you just quietly said no, that you needed to go your own way.

I wanted to say no and be selfish. Say that you needed to come back to Pennsylvania because I needed you here with me.

But I didn't.

I didn't say that I shattered a lamp, or countless dishes since you had been gone. I'm sure you had seen all the fights I had been in. The other players always left the ice, bleeding more than I was.

I took my anger out on them. You left and they got punished for it. Writing this down, it sounds horrible. But I justified it saying it was for my team. I would be the only one who knew.

You're now the only one who knows. If you read these. I'm still not sure how the afterlife works. But I'm pretty sure you like to fuck with my lights. You always did like to scare me. Or try to at least. Now, you're definitely succeeding. You might be laughing, but it's not funny.

But what I really wanted to tell you in that conversation that was I loved you and would always be there for you. I still do. I always will. There's no forgetting a girl like you, Kotah.

Love,
Robert