Breakdown // R. Bortuzzo

Letter #3

My face broke out but season 3 of House of Cards is on Netflix so I guess I'm okay

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Dakotah,

Everyone says you have to be mentally, emotionally, and physically sound to play hockey at a professional level. You need to be strong in all three of those aspects too. The physical part has always come easy. The mental and emotional parts were easy when you came around.

I guess it was easy after you left. Knowing you would be happy whatever you were doing helped the pain of you not being here with me. Hockey was a way to help me think about something other than you.

But I wasn't able to do that this time. You weren't happy. You won't be happy. How could I possibly be okay when you're gone from my life forever? I guess it could happen, but I don't know when that will be.

Right now it's hard to understand that I'll be able to think about you without a sharp pain in my chest. Or I won't want to cry knowing that I'll never see you again.

It's hard. It's really hard.

I've been getting scratched more than I usually am. I've been playing like shit, letting players get past me, and taking stupid penalties. I can't help it. I'm taking out my anger in the wrong places.

I love you. I'm never going to get over this loss but I'm going to try.

Robert.