The Changes In Our Moments

•chapter 23•

Standing at my fallen,broken, house that is melting i see all my friends walk out shocked and confused, mostly shocked.
I whip my foot around and walk towards the other direction my emotions all scattered frantically into one.
nothing.
I walk out looking at all the terrified souls running outside and staring at my house as I continue walking.
I walk through the crowds, as they are all occupied with the flames erupting from my falling house, and I just continue moving into my vehicle.
I look at all my friends and hop back out,
"well? Are you coming?"
they all look at each other obviously confused, I let out a soft giggle and they all swing the doors open, as if they are jumping me.
I look at them, "alright lets go!!!" I laugh and pull out, driving recklessly fast out of my subdivision, looking back at my house only once through the review mirror.
I huff back the tears and turn to Giavanna, who has her face a bright red and is holding on to the top of the car frightened, by me.
She won't stop eyeing me so I change the subject, "what would you guys like? Frozen yogurt?" I smile
Giavanna looks at me, her eyes widen and her eyebrows knit, "are you crazy or just stupid? because the person I know wouldn't be happy right now? Or wouldn't god damn burn down their own house!" She smacks the words onto me.
It hurts like hell.
I huff back, "okay so you don't want frozen yogurt, ice cream?" I ask patiently.
She shakes her head, "pull this god damn car over. I'm leaving."
I laugh, "okay?" I swing the vehicle to the side and watch her jump out and slam my door.
She walks away and carelessly continues as Camden follows her out, "I'll get her. Just I don't know just figure out what's wrong with her." He eyes me one last time, as if it's the last and walks out.
Am I seriously that bad? What will I do? Kill them?
I laugh mentally.
this is bull crap.
I swing my door open and walk out running towards a screaming Giavanna.
Without realizing anything I am doing I swing my fist at her face which is followed by slaps and kicks and blood squirting out at me, when im pulled off I see a almost unconscious Giavanna.
It doesn't stop me, I scream frantically and bolt my fists in the air, reaching for anything to hit uncontrollably.
I can't breath.
I drop to the ground and cry, tears sting my eyes and I watch as Giavanna groans on the ground and I scream, I just scream.
Everything is muffled as I move forward and look at Giavanna.
I can't say anything, I just stare then all the feelings flood back to me.
What I just did, what's wrong with me, why I am acting like this, why I burnt down my house.
It all leads back to johnny.
All the feelings overwhelm me, it burns and bleaches through my skin and I bolt around the corner and cry and scream and cry harder.
The pattern continues, until andrew moves down behind me.
"Please go!" I scream, trying not to sound pissed.
He shakes his head, "Bree! Tell me!"
I cry.
I can't stop, I groan out the words coughing and choking on them
"Everyone cares about me and is trying to help me, but you can't help the fact that I ruin everything with a destructive path and force. Look at what I'm putting you guys through, my house, .. My brother." I choke out the last part.
"Andrew all I want, I want, all I want is johnny! My mom! Happiness, freedom! To live as if I haven't already died."
He wipes my tears away with his fingers, "Bree. He died for all of us for you, and he is actually happy now and free. He is lucky, he doesn't have to go through this!"
I cry, "but I need him. I'm alone, I'm not okay Andrew."
He wraps his hands around mine, "that's okay. It will be soon."
He hugs me and cry into his shoulder not releasing.