Release (BxB)

Really? Fucking Really?

Alexei Carson - 25 (Up Top)

💖 Don't forget to vote/comment! 💖

***Alexei's POV***

"Really? Fucking really? The gods above have a shitty sense of timing." I huff out my distaste as Sebastian explains the connection between him and the guy he met at the bar during our last days stateside.

"Sandy blonde hair, denim blue eyes and those dimples, I swear he was crafted just for me. When he laughed, I felt butterflies in my stomach. What am I, 13? What grown ass man feels butterflies?" Sebastian cringes over his own description. I wish I knew what butterflies felt like. I imagine it is akin to nausea.

"You will survive this, Sebastian. We have the best doctors. I will find Mark Fletcher for you again one day." I promise something that I do not have the right to. I don't know if Seb will survive. The chances aren't probable. Twenty-Seven percent of patients survive longer than five years. Those odds are reduced by Sebastian's anemia. We don't even know the long-term effect that the treatments Seb has already gotten will have. Sebastian is starting the second stage with an already weakened immune system.

"I want to believe you. I want to hope that everything is going to be wonderful. All I do know is that I am in pain. My body hurts. I feel like a lab rat." Seb whines.

Everyday drags by with doctors, nurses and techs that sweep in at all hours of the night. Mornings are always early. They come by at five, six, seven, etc. I cannot remember what the real world feels like most days. It has been months. Hell, maybe it has been weeks. It all runs together at this point.

The worst part, aside from the necessity of it all, is that there aren't any cute doctors in this place. I feel like the nurses are at their station playing rock paper scissors to see who gets to come in here and drool over Sebastian. I know that I caught two of them taking a picture of his ass.

I got news for them, that ass looked way better several hundred treatments ago.

Sebastian has lost so much weight. I can't tell him how bad he looks. That wouldn't be helpful. Some days he reminds me so much of the scrawny teen that just graduated from high school. All the work we put in to bulk him up is long gone. Even Sebastian's hair has become dull, thin and lack luster. I never imagined that chemicals made to heal someone could do so much damage as well.

"What are you thinking about?" Sebastian grabs my attention as he shifts in bed.

"Nothing. Everything." I let out an exasperated sigh.

"I'm sorry." Seb looks directly at me with tears filling his eyes. My heart aches at the sadness that sits behind his once vibrant blue feature.

"Don't. Please, don't." I walk over to Sebastian, moving his body over carefully. Laying beside him, I wrap my arms around his smaller frame. I know how hard this is on both of us. I have it easy. Sebastian is the test animal here. The different drugs have had immense repercussions. Sometimes Sebastian can't stay awake. Other times, he can't sleep. Any food that Seb wants, tends to climb back up faster than he can manage to swallow.

I have it easy. Period.

"I wish it were me. God, Sebastian, I wish I was laying in that bed fighting. I would take all of this from you if I could." My fingers plunder through what is left of Sebastian's tight curls.

"I know. That what makes it worse. I am glad that I am the one laying here. I don't want to know how hard it is on you to watch me like this. I don't want to be the one left alone if you were in my place and couldn't fight through all of this. At least if I die, I am out of pain." Sebastian's voice breaks on the last sentence. The sob is gut wrenching. I feel nausea painfully ripping away at my insides.