Seven Minutes of Heaven.

Part twenty one.

2018

For two weeks Josh and I had been distant. He had work I guess. The awards were a big deal and he had to spend all his energy on that. I understood the absence caused by the working hours but I didn't quite understand the private calls or the suspiciously dim light on Josh's phone...the smiling down at his messages...... I didn't understand the sudden lack of interest when it came to intimacy or Josh's urge to leave every time he was around me.......Every time I kissed Josh it felt forced.....it looked like he didn't enjoy it. Maybe I was over thinking things. I usually made so many assumptions and most of the times they were always false.
I often don't know the difference between a relationship falling apart and a simple absence of attention.
As you know I have gone through Josh's phone before. I know checking through ones phone doesn't bring any peace to you, in fact it brings more disaster to your mental health. However there's this need to be sure that haunts you.It rings in your head every moment you feel like your moment of truth is close. When the phone is laying inches away from you. When you know that nobody is watching.
That moment had come for me. Josh was taking a shower. I had already taken mine and was all set for bed. I wanted tonight to be the night I found my answers so I pretended to be sleeping in hopes that Josh would leave his phone behind and he did.
The moment I heard the water running in the shower I rushed for Josh's phone. This was a toxic trait. I knew that but what was I to do. I looked through Josh's phone and found nothing that I thought I'd find. I felt pretty stupid. In fact I felt shitty. I shouldn't be checking Josh's phone ever no matter what. Those were my thoughts until I opened Josh and Theo's message box.