My mental health story

upadate 2021

it was 2:34am. i was ready to take my life. blade in one hand. pills in the other. voices were screaming at me. 'DO IT' 'DO IT' 'DO IT' they screamed at me repeatedly. i did it. i ran into my parents room in regret. 'mum' i mumbled under my breathe, my head spinning. i didn't want to wake my dad worrying about the reaction he'd give me. she woke up. 'i did it' i said. tears rolled down my face.
'what did you do? what happened' she asked her voice low, sounding like it was about to break.
i told her what i did.
she was so mad at first.
then tears streamed down her face. she jumped out of bed, put on some clothes and rushed me to the car.
i was heart broken. she was heart broken.

i got into the hospital. blood streaming down my thighs and arms. i regretted telling her. but at the same time i didnt. i got put on a drip. the doctors were all asking me questions.
'is everything okay at home?'
yes i answered. it wasn't.
'do you get bullied at school?'
no i answered. i lied.

i got out of hospital 3 days later. my friends were heart broken when they heard about it. then the school found out. i was the talk of the century. they said 'you should've succeeded' 'no one wants you here'. funnily enough, it was mostly boys.

18 months has past since then. i've met my soulmate. we have been together for 16 months now and i'm doing so much better. i'm 5 and a half months clean from self harm. i still struggle with an eating disorder but that's okay. i'm learning my way around it.