You Hypnotize Me

I'm Not From That Atmosphere

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Two months.

Two months since it started.

Two months since Ross began hitting me. He told me he was tired of my shit. Tired of my whining. Tired of me always complaining about Derek, he decided Derek was right in abusing me. Three people in my life, three people who I cared about, two of which I loved, have abused me, maybe, maybe if I just end it all myself I can be released from this constant suffering.

One bullet to the head.

One rope around the neck.

A couple slashes on the wrist soaked in water.

A couple pills.

A glass of toxic chemicals.

ONE JUMP.

And it’d be over, just like that. In the blink of an eye. Painless. I have the guts for it. I used to be too smart for suicide. I used to love life; I was like Riker in that way. I could find happiness in anything. I guess Ross finished the job in beating all those senses out of me. He was the strongest of all the men who have abused me. Wouldn’t surprise me that he’d be the one to finish the job. Death. It doesn’t scare me, it never has. The idea that one second you’re hear and that the next you are gone; it always came as a sort of relief to me. A release from my dreadful life. Only the idea of how it may happen frightens me. My biggest fear? I’m sure you could guess it, being beaten to death. I’d rather my fate lay in my own hands, that’s what I’ll do, first chance I get.

Just then the door at the top of the staircase opens letting a blinding light into the dark room I’m locked in. I look down at the dried blood all over my body. I look up at my blonde rogue knight.

“I told you never to look me in the eye!” I feel his strong hand swiftly make firm contact with my cheek. It stings more than anything Derek ever dealt me, because it stings in my heart. Physical pain doesn’t affect me much anymore. What takes a real toll on me is the emotional pain, because unlike my other two attackers I’m in love with this one. Ross grabs my hand; even though it is threatening I feel the old spark for a second. I look at our hands and see my clenched fist. I then remember what lies inside of it and I begin to fight back so I can cling onto my last piece of the past. But to no avail. He takes it from me. His eyes go soft for a moment looking at it, but once he realizes how it makes him feel he hardens his exterior.

“Wha—what? Where did you get this?”

“I kept it with me since you gave it to me.”

“Well the only thing you’ll be getting from me from now on is a beating.” He rips it to shreds and throws it on my lap. I look at the once intact picture of Ross and I smiling, lip locked. A tear slips from my eye. I quickly wipe the tear away, hoping to god Ross didn’t see it.

“Hey! Hey, No! You said no more crying! You remember? You better not have lied to me!” Whenever I cried he went crazy, it seemed to turn him into a bipolar psychopath.

“I wasn’t crying! I just had something in my eye! Please! Ross I promise!” I shriek frantically. I have no success to my pleading; I’m thrown from the bed. From my spot here on the floor I see a shine before me in the corner, a hammer. I reach out and seize it. I hear Ross’ foot steps behind me.

“Next time you better think twice about crying” he says as I turn around. I see his eyes widen when he notices the hammer but before he has a chance to consciously react I swing at his ankles.

“GRUUHH” he screams out and falls to the floor.

“Baby I’m sorry, but I just can’t stay” But I still love you, after all you’ve done I think to myself. I run out the open door and in moments I find myself down the street. All the trees are much taller than I last remember. I see a trail to my left. It’s yellow. I figured I’d follow it.