You Hypnotize Me

I'd Like To Take You

I’m standing in the bathroom, numerous items in front of me, a rope, some drain-o, and a mixture of all the different prescription and non-prescription pills that Derek and my uncle had in the cabinets. I really wish I had a gun, quick and painless for me, and then Derek would have to clean the mess he caused. I sit there, contemplating which method of suicide I should use. In the end they will all kill me, it’s just a matter of how I want to be remembered. A noose, typical depression. Drain-o, some crazy-ass who thought it looked yummy. Pills, drug addict.

Let’s go with rope.

I grab a hold of the rope and attempt tying a knot. After about five try’s I realize I have no idea how to tie a noose. It’s honestly a lot harder than it looks. I put the rope down. I guess I will have to find Derek’s laptop and search up how to tie a noose on YouTube. Luckily I haven’t see Derek or my uncle, they are either asleep or not here.

I hear the front door fumble open and slam closed.

Fuck.

Derek’s back and he’s pissed. What could he be pissed about? I didn’t do anything. I’m just in here trying to kill myself, and it’s not like he has any idea I’m doing it. Well nonetheless I don’t want to stick around to find out what he’s mad about. I grab the assorted pills that are sure to leave me in an overdose and I knock them back into my mouth. Just as my cervical muscles begin working I hear him.

“Johanna?” his voice echoes through the 2 bedroom apartment.

Quickly I spit out the meds into the sink. I don’t think any made it down, so I should be fine. I turn to see Jameson now at the doorway to the bathroom. But he is different than he was an hour ago. Now, above his left eye there is a 3 inch gash that will surely need stitches. He stands there looking at me for comfort, but what is there to say, at least you’re not dead?

“At least you’re not dead” I repeat what my inner self suggested. I instantly begin fighting myself. How stupid could I be to take advice from my sarcastic inner voice? Shit. Jameson just raises his head and blood starts flowing faster from the wound “here” I say grabbing his hand and sitting him on the closed toilet. I clean the gash and I get some gauze and bandage from under the sink, I tightly wrap it.

Suddenly my entire plan has changed. Because now there is someone else I must protect. If I kill myself, what could happen to Jameson?

New plan, we run away.

“Jameson, are you ready to go?” I grab his shoulders

“Go where?” I look at him, faking a smile.

“Where it’s safe” Jameson smiles back to me, his a genuine one.

I walk out to the living room, holding his hand. I glance through the peep hole and I see a man, drunk outside my door, it must be his dad. The only other way out is the window. I slide it open, the barely curtains flutter in the wind.

“Are you ready for some fun?” I question hopeful, he nods.

I hang out the window by my fingertips. There is one story between me and the hard ground, there is also a fairly large bush, if I land anywhere but that bush, I will no doubt break something. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I push away from the building, landing right on my target. I stand up pulling some leaves from my hair. As I reorient myself I look up to Jameson.

“Okay now you” I whisper as quietly as I can. I put my arms up ready to catch him, he grabs the ledge and takes the same position I was in, he I a lot shorter so he has a farther distance to fall, but with me catching him he only has to fall a few more feet. “Go for it” he lets go and seconds later I have him in my hands, laughing.

Step one, complete.

Inside, through the open window I hear a loud thrashing and yelling. I pretend to not hear it, and quicken my pace.

I place Jameson onto my shoulders and we are off. I am not sure exactly where to, but for now I figure Candy’s is a good a place as any. That means we have about an hour trek, I breathe in and out deeply, thinking of the rash decision I made while under pressure. As I think I realized I basically just kidnapped Jameson but honestly I don’t give a rat’s ass, because it was the right thing to do. If I get caught and have to do time I won’t mind. Then again I don’t plan on getting caught.

“So Jameson,” I say once we are a ways away from the apartments “Where do you want to live?” I can sense him thinking about it long and hard.

“With you” I chuckle, his answers are always so simple.

“That’s a good answer” I let out a half smile. I guess it’s my decision then, we could go anywhere. I’m done with my part in filming Mockingjay, I don’t make many appearances, mostly things the director added. So I have nothing to hold me here. Except the obvious. My subconscious interrupts my thoughts.

Shut up

You know you’re not strong enough to leave.

We’ve been broken up for months

That doesn’t mean shit, you are always just “bumping” into him, you know you wanted to get caught when you went to his concert.

How dare you even accuse me of something like that!? I’ve been trying my hardest to keep him away from me, he is the one following me everywhere!

So that’s how you take the blame off you? You blame it on other people, then again I knew that. What with you blaming your dad and all—

SHUT UP, why would you bring that up? You of all ‘people’ know how bad I feel about that! That’s it, I’m blocking you out for the rest of the night, I don’t need you, I don’t need Derek, and I definitely don’t need Ross.

I shake my head getting my subconscious out of my head, and in the process rustling Jameson who began drowsing off atop my shoulders.

“Where are we?” he asks

“Almost at our first stop” I say as we turn a corner and I see Candy’s at the end of the block. “We will just take a short break, since I know how much your feet must be killing you from walking so much” I say sarcastically and he picks it up, replying with loud laughter. I pull him off my shoulders and we sit down on the bench in front of Candy’s. I sit recuperating, I look to Jameson who is staring at me in wonder, I run my fingers through his loose hair and I inspect his bandages, it looks like I wrapped it tight enough for the bleeding to stop, as long as he doesn’t do anything too exerting I don’t think he will need any stitches. I smile as I rub his cheek, “You kno—“ my vocal chords are cut off by a hand slamming against them and then crashing my skull into the bench.

I can see his black locks lurching over the top of me and my brain begins rushing a mile a minute. Jameson. He has nowhere to go, I think quickly of his options and I realize there’s only one besides getting taken, the Lynches. I clutch at Derek’s hand that is pinching inside me through my skin, pulling his hand off to allow for just enough time.

“Jameson! Go to Ross’! Go!” Derek grabs back onto my neck and under my arm, he throws me off of the bench and onto the cement. I see Jameson panicking, hesitating for only a moment and then running off to the Lynches, it takes ten minutes from here, I just hope he doesn’t get lost, he has only been there a few times. Once done worrying about Jameson I realize I can’t breathe, I reach behind me and claw at Derek’s face, I feel the blood dripping onto my hands as he screams. He lets go for a second and I can catch a breath, soon enough however he has clutched a hold on my neck again and he starts dragging me to his car. I rip at his shirt and try to trip him, but everything I do is useless.

“STOP FIGHTING” he yells, the next thing I know my head is slammed against the sidewalk.

And it’s all black.