City Of Storm Clouds _ongoing_

one - Fantastic Mr Fox

When your everyday life begins to revolve around someone, every thought, every feeling; positive or negative is of them. When you realise you are slowly losing yourself to a game even when you know no one can win. When it starts to consume you, a fire of competition fuelled by rivalry and pure determination. It becomes interminable. It becomes so intense and enthralling that it feels as if you are starting to fall. I'm falling and there is no one to catch me.

~~~

I'm currently thinking about my all time favourite movie 'Fantastic Mr. Fox' and I can't help but relate to Mr. Fox, the need to impress, inspire, be better, be the best. Only I'm not a fox, I'm not a movie character and I really don't have all that much of a presence in other people's lives I just wish that I did. I just wish someone would see me for more than a grade, a competitor or a number.

Fraser Lewis and I don't have a good relationship but it isn't exactly bad either. Sure our competition is rather distressing and sometimes I feel like a piece of shit.  But it's for those moments when I'm winning when I feel like I actually have a purpose that I think maybe it's all worth it. It's not even that I care particularly about whether I'm beating him or not but it sure does feel good when I am. It feels good to know that I'm the best at something, that I can actually do something right.

At first I thought that maybe I did something wrong when we first met, that caused his need to be better than me. Or maybe he was annoyed that I never asked for his number, which is a pretty pathetic reason to hate someone and completely ignore them 2 days later. I used to contemplate the fact that maybe he never liked me and was only being polite when we first met. Now the most important question is why the fuck do I care about what Fraser Lewis thinks about me. Sure he is attractive and smart but that's about it, he is nice to everyone but me and I can't do anything to change that. It's been two years of intense rivalry and I am so ready for this to be over, I don't even think either of us know what we are competing for, valedictorian? Top ranking? Best mark? But why does it matter, why do I care so much?

You see our whole dynamic is driven by a rather petty and unfair rule that was never discussed or disclosed. It's suffice to say that no one can ever win this game, unless someone quits which I doubt will ever happen considering how competitive we are.

I am not winning right now.

He's answered three questions right in a row. I on the other hand have answered a grand total of zero.

The classroom is supposed to be cold, considering the cracked window allowing soft rain and wind to enter. However my face is burning and I feel as if I am on fire. My palms are sweaty and I cannot seem to be able to form coherent enough thoughts to answer any questions. Focus Elora god dammit. He rings his bell to answer the latest question and I am drawn back to the present. 'What topic are we on?' I asked my best friend Aria next to me. 'Classic Literature.'

It's unlike me to not be paying attention, especially during our fortnightly general knowledge speed rounds. As usual Fraser and I are the last ones left and I am losing drastically. 'In what year was Great Expectations by Charles Dickens written?' I know this.

I go to ring my bell but Fraser has already beat me to it. '1961' Wrong.

I ring my bell 'That's when it was first issued and published, it was written in 1860.'

'A point to Elora' Ms Nores smiles. I meet Fraser's eyes and he looks annoyed. Oh have I damaged your fragile masculinity? Sorry. Just kidding, take that Fraser. He just smiles again god dammit stop being nice.

I answer the next three questions right, we are now tying.

'Where did Jane Austen Grow up?'

Fuck... OH 'Steventon, Hampshire' both Fraser and I answer at the same time. Shit. At this point the bells have been discarded and Fraser and I are standing almost head to head. He is staring daggers into my soul. I need to beat him. Why? Because I have no purpose if I don't get that 4th win streak underneath my name on the chalkboard.