Nanny Diaries 2 - The New Litter

Rock Bottom

"But Mama...you promised me?" I protested, breaking my private vow before the kettle had even boiled, as I queried Miss Davenport's comments about the social media accounts.

"I did think it was a good idea, but Papa disagreed, after Miss Davenport showed us some of the comments people have made on your posts, Daphne." Helen informed me, placatingly, as she took some mugs out of a cupboard. "I am not familiar with these sites...so, I have learned a lesson there, but Miss Davenport has offered to take on the responsibility...because we really cannot have you exposed to such vile language..."

"But Mama...I am not allowed to work, or help with all the girls much...and I have accepted that...but you promised me that I could still take photographs and manage the social media...I am familiar with those sites Mama, and I don't read..."

"Daphne...you were so upset by what that Wellman woman said...it really knocked you for six...and this is not a debate." Helen snapped, raising her voice just enough to stop me arguing with her, or so she hoped, because she was genuinely apologetic. "I do apologise for misleading you...but Papa has decided and that is that, dear."

"Even the church elders were happy with what I was doing..." I moaned, hearing just the hint of a whine in my own voice. "Exactly what are you going to allow me to do?"

"That is enough, young lady...quite enough!" Helen barked, abruptly losing patience. "Both of us must do what Papa says...Papa knows what is best for you...and you will behave. I keep thinking you have learned that lesson, but you have not...have you, young lady?"

"I am sorry, Mama...but this is not fair..."

"Daphne, I said enough! You leave me no choice...you will go upstairs now and ask Miss Davenport to punish you for your behaviour and then put you down for a nap with your sisters to think about what you are doing here," Helen commanded, her stern voice suddenly icy cold and unsympathetic, clearly furious with me. I gulped, cursing myself for doing exactly what I had promised myself that I would not do, realising that I had gone too far. "Now...and if you do not tell her exactly what I said, I will double your punishment...is that clear enough for you this time, young lady?"

"Yes...Mama," I whispered, before running out of the room, heading for the stairs, already in tears. I could not understand why I had been so stupid, so immature. I obviously knew exactly what would annoy her, because if any of my old charges had argued with me like that, I would have got cross too. I knew how to behave. I wanted to behave. But my temper had just got the better of me, which was exactly what I was not supposed to let happen. And just like my darling Caris, when she was transformed, I was being sent to my nanny to ask her to spank me. It was a crushing blow, a proper humiliation, but even as I hitched up my skirts and started to climb up towards my fate, I knew it was all my fault. I wanted to be a Reformist, I had promised to behave, I had taken formal vows of obedience, after being advised that I would find it hard to leave my old life behind. I had only just told Annie that I was happy with my decision, and yet I could not manage a simple conversation with Helen without getting upset and arguing with her like a spoiled brat. Pausing halfway up the stairs, I made an attempt to compose myself and stop crying like a baby. It was only my third complete day as a maiden, and I was making such a mess of things. I told myself that I was an adult and that I knew what was expected of me, so I had to pull myself together. I imagined myself guiding Nicola, or Caris through the process of maidenhood, and recalled how I had helped Bella, and I asked myself why I could not follow my own advice. I was so arrogant, I thought, because inside, despite what I told myself, I clearly still thought that I was different, and did not need to submit the doctrine. I had to change. I had to let my old life go and embrace my new one. Then, after taking some deep breaths, I started to climb again and quietly opened the nursery door, which was no longer my domain, my fiefdom, but my gilded cage. Miss Davenport was occupied putting Nicola into her cot, having evidently decided that after all the excitement of the previous day, and such a late night, the girls would benefit from an afternoon nap. I would probably have made the same decision myself, I told myself, as I waited for her to finish.