Nanny Diaries 2 - The New Litter

Christmas Day

"Christmas coinciding with a Sunday equals maximum devotion, Elizabeth...so, it is a long service, but the children go out for their bible classes, and we get wine and mince pies after the whole thing is done." Helen explained as she buttoned up my cloak, whilst my mother kept a tight grip on my mittened hand. "It will be Daphne's first bible class, actually."

"But not her last, Helen." Mum said, staring pointedly at me. She was properly dressed again and I was in full finery for the most important service of the year, including the cloak and a poke bonnet.

"No...probably not...but I think we can put yesterday down to overexcitement, and I am sure she was overwhelmed to see you and Barry...Christmas does get the children a bit overwrought sometimes." Helen sighed, tweaking my nose as I sucked hard on my pacifier. I was obviously a child again in their eyes and after everything that was being said, I did not think my nightmare was going to end with the holidays. Not that I could do anything about it, or appeared to want to do anything about it. I had been asked several times if I wanted it to stop, and I had said no again and again, because deep down, I did not want to leave. "She will do better today, I am sure...and a walk down to church with you and Barry will help her clear her head."

I did not think it would, but obviously no one was giving me a choice. Miss Davenport, again as I would have done, had everyone walking to church, because there would be little chance of any real exercise for the rest of the day, and I found myself flanked by my parents, each holding onto one of my hands, as we left the house. I found myself thinking back to the end of August that same year, when I first arrived in Meadvale. On that occasion, I had climbed out of a car with Nicola, Natalie, Naomi and Caris. It was just seventeen weeks, I worked out, and in that time, I had squeezed in trips to Charlesfield and Hollywood, plus a week at home, until finally I had changed the direction of my entire life. And then mum reached out with her free hand and removed my pacifier.

"Daphne darling...your father and I are so disappointed in you, young lady." She began with a sigh to emphasise her words, using a tone I had not heard since I got drunk for the one and only time in my life, at a party when I was barely sixteen. "You persuaded us that this is what you wanted to do with your life...and we have supported you...and thanks to Mr and Mrs Hughes and Mrs Blackstone, we understand that it was a solemn commitment. But you have let yourself down at every hurdle..."

"Mum...you really don't understand...it's really hard..." I began, but dad was not about to let me argue with them.

"As you were told by Pastor John, and everyone else, Daphne." He snapped, squeezing my hand enough to hurt me. "We talked to Mr Hughes about all the things that you have found so difficult to cope with and we fully agreed with his decisions...you cannot join his family and this community and continue to work as a nanny...and keeping you off social media, making you rest and eat properly...it is hardly much to ask of someone who has committed to living a pious, obedient life...they are not being unreasonable."

"We were so worried about you when you came to stay," Mum continued, as I looked from one of them to the other, with my mouth hanging open in surprise. "You were clearly exhausted and I was sure that you had not been looking after yourself properly. And we were never really happy about you going to Norland, or working as a nanny...so, when you decided to join the church, and we understood what it would mean for you, we were delighted. If you won't live with us, and let us take care of you, we were delighted that you had found somewhere where you felt you belonged...with people who so obviously care for you."

"I care for them, too, mum." I insisted, meaning it.

"Well, you have a funny way of showing it...and we want to help you stop this nonsense and let Mr Hughes guide you...tell her, Barry."