Something About You

4 : Selfish

I woke up earlier to make breakfast. Rosé was still sleeping and I didn't want to wake her up. Rosé had always been the one cooking, so I thought it would be good if I could cook for her this time.

To think of it, Rosé had always been the one giving and providing me with everything. Though she was more successful and supposed to be busy, I didn't understand why she would waste her time with me.

Rosé was very popular among K-Pop fans in SK and worldwide, making her the most followed female K-Idol on Instagram. I was third in the ranking.

During the pre-debut, Rosé and I were good friends. We would always go anywhere together. During every short holiday, Rosé didn't get to fly to her house in Australia and I would invite her over so that she wouldn't be staying in the dormitory alone.

After debut, we rarely got to see each other but we would still text each other. Though it was not too often, we both knew that we were doing good.
Until one day, there was a day off for both of us and Rosé had planned to sleepover at my house. She brought some alcohol and we watched the movie together.

I didn't remember what exactly happened but the next thing I knew, we both were in bed naked. I tried to explain to Rosé she said it was no big deal.
And she said she enjoyed it.

I thought it was going to stop just there but it happened several times when we both were drunk. After some time, we didn't have to be drunk to be doing it.

To say that we only did that to fulfill our lust was not accurate. Somehow, I was emotionally attached to her and I found that she actually cared about me. But again, I was not sure if it was because of the friendship we had or it was more than that.

I was also confused on how I actually cared about her and it was not just lust itself. I wanted her to be happy and I wanted her to feel complete. And I was very frightened if I would ever hurt her.

We did argue a couple times because we weren't sure of our relationship. Half of me thought that it would be fine if she had someone else because we were not even official but there was also half of me thought it would hurt me so much to see her with someone else.

I remembered about the deal I made with Kai. Would Rosé be interested anyway? If I was being selfish, I wouldn't tell Rosé about Kai. But, maybe Rosé actually did want a man. So then, we could end the ambiguous relationship between us? Just a normal friendship between us.

I served the buttermilk pancakes on a plate and a jug of milk on the countertop before I paced to the bedroom.

"Rosé, wake up. I made you breakfast."

She opened her eyes half and held my hands. "You made breakfast? Aww, you want to be my wife?"

Was she flirting? Or was that just the way she joke with her friends? This made me feel dizzy.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Are you sick again?" She sat up and pulled me onto her lap.
Her hands again touched me on my forehead and my neck.

"Damn, you're so hot in the term of you are sick but you're still hot in the term you are sexy. How did you manage to make breakfast like this?"  she looked worried.

Maybe, I wanted to be selfish.

I kissed her on the lips. It was not for anything nasty. I just felt like I wanted to. I wanted to have all of her just for myself.

She kissed back with her hands cupping my cheek. I closed my eyes, hoping that would be endless. But, she broke the kiss.

"Is something wrong? Are you okay? I think you need to rest." she pulled me into her. Her warmth gave me butterflies.

I was too tired to answer and I wanted to just lay my head on her.

-

My head hurt so much. I couldn't even open my eyes completely or move my body.

"Do you need anything? Drink some water first, Sunyoung." I heard Rosé's voice.

Rosé helped me to rest on the bedhead. I chugged some water and I could feel my throat was swollen.
Rosé was sitting next to me and there was a bowl. She made some carrot soup again.

"I think it's due to your diarrhea. Your body lacks water. Don't worry, I bought the medicine you need to take." She showed a plastic bag of medicines.

"Ah, Chaeyoung. You didn't have to. I'm sorry for troubling you but thanks."

"You know, I care about you a lot."

My heart moved. In what way?

"You're making me more confused." I laughed.

"Please don't be."

"What do you mean?"

Rosé remained silent. She ended the topic by feeding me the carrot soup. We didn't say a single word after that.

I looked at her face. What's with that expression?
Was she telling me not to be confused because she only meant it in a friendly way?

Maybe. She was being a good friend.

"Did you eat the breakfast?" I asked.

"Yep. It was good. Thanks."

The tight face was still visible. Did I do something wrong?

I took her hand and held it.

"Why are you being quiet? Chaeyoung, I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. Please don't be mad at me."

She put the bowl on the table and hugged me. "I'm sorry, too. I think I've been a bad friend."

She seemed to be regretting something. Was it the time she spent with me?

I rubbed her back to comfort her. Afterall, maybe it was my fault as I didn't tell her earlier that things shouldn't be this way. I seemed to like it without thinking what harm could she get from it. She was just lonely and I was available. She's just confused.

I should tell her about Kai later.