Paint A Picture On Me

Veinticinco

My car slams into the curb, but I stop before hitting any pedestrians or lampposts. The tears pour from my eyes and sobs fill the air of my vehicle. It's not safe for me to drive, even though more than anything I want to be home, with a beer in my hand. Instead, however, I stay put. I cry, sniffle and weep into my now-wet palms as a stabbing sensation fills my chest. So this is what being heartbroken feels like. It's far worse than any torture, I'll give you that. It feels like I can't breath, think or move. My entire body is in pain and all I can focus on is how Kellin is feeling. I fucked up. I should've never let this happen. I shouldn't've gotten involved with him in the first place. And now look at me, I've fucking ruined everything. I should've run away like I always do. Then why do I still want him? If this is so wrong, why did it feel so perfectly right? Because you fell in love with him, you idiot.

It must have been hours that I sat there, scolding every moment I spent with Kellin, but not willing to take any of them back. I love Kellin. More than anything I just wish I hadn't hurt him. I don't want to change one thing other than that. I should've told him at the start. He deserved the truth. He couldn't handle it, but he deserved it. That's my one regret. And now I've lost him. I'll never love again.

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It's been three days. It feels like a lifetime, but it's only been sixty-seven hours. Sixty-seven hours since I lost him. Sixty-seven hours since my reason to smile got away. Sixty-seven hours of hell. My life lost meaning when he wasn't part of it. I never thought I, Víctor Vincent Fuentes, would grow so attached to someone, but that's the thing about Kellin. He's isn't someone, he's the one. And I let him tumble away. I'll forever hate myself for that.

I haven't stopped drinking since then. I don't do the hard stuff, or drink so quickly I'm destined to be drunk. But I have had more than a little, yet less than enough. I've had a good buzz-on all day each day. It's been Hell, but I'm starting to cope with the fact that I'm a complete and total dumbass. I deserve every bit of shit that's happened. Kellin didn't, but at least now he's out of the game. I just hope he doesn't turn to Alan and molly. I hope he can move on.

I haven't been to school, obviously. There's no point. Plus, I can't deal with the temptation of contacting Kellin. He doesn't want to talk to me, so I won't force it. Mike said Kellin only showed up yesterday, at lunch and was apparently a complete wreck. 'Cause that made me feel a whole lot better. It's about time for him to get home right now. Driving my car, I might add. Not that I care, I don't deserve a functional car anyways. Well, it's rental, but it's ultimately the same thing.

The door opens and I internally groan, not wanting to be around people.

"Bro, I'm home!" he calls. I lift my beer bottle up, as a waving motion. "I brought a friend," he adds.

"Congratulations," I mumble irritably. He just chuckles and I slump in my chair, feeling sudden fatigue eloping me.

"I think you should say hi," he tells me. I groan and get up from my chair, apparently, too quickly that my head spins. When my vision focuses again, the beer bottle falls from my hand, shattering across the floor. Kellin's here.

"Hi," he says, chuckling and observing the broken glass. I'm speechless, completely frozen just staring at his beautiful face.

He looks tired, some bags under his eyes, telling me he probably did do a hit of something. But he seems otherwise pretty okay. Me on the other hand, I'm a wreck. I haven't brushed my hair or teeth since that wretched day. My beard's grown out into stubble and I smell like a toilet. Plus, I have beer breath.

"Here, I'll help you clean up," he says, going directly to the closet that we keep our broom. I guess he's been here more often than I thought. I'm still in a state of shock and frozen in my place. My mind starts slipping away and desperately try to pull it back. My vision and surroundings seem far away and I can feel my subconscious slowly leaving me. I can feel it not tugging, but fading away. My eyesight is next to leave as the corners of my view start shading themselves black.