[19.11.21]
I FEEL SO DISCONNECTED FROM EVERYONE
EVERYTHING'S SUFFOCATING ME
I FEEL LIKE I'M TRAPPED
EVERYONE'S GONE
I'M SO FUCKING AFRAID OF LOSING THE PEOPLE I LOVE
BUT I'M PUSHING EVERYONE AWAY
I'M SO FUCKING AFRAID
I'M SCARED OF EVERYTHING
I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT GONNA GET TROUGH THIS
I FEEL LIKE RELAPSING
I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING AGAINST WALLS
I FEEL LIKE DROWNING MY BITTER EMOTIONS IN ALCOHOL
I FEEL LIKE SMOKING NON STOP
I JUST WANT TO FEEL ANYTHING BUT AT THE SAME TIME I'M DROWNING IN MY HEAD
I'M DYING INSIDE
MY HEART'S ABANDONING ME
THIS IS ALL TOO MUCH FOR ME RIGHT NOW
I'M TRAPPED IN MY HEAD
I'M FUCKING CLAUSTROPHOBIC
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET TROUGH THIS
I'M SO EASILY IRRITATED AND MY MOODSWINGS ARE GETTING OUT OF HAND
I KNOW THIS IS JUST HOW I FEEL IN THE MOMENT AND EVERYTHING'S GONNA GET BETTER SOON
BUT I FEEL LIKE SHIT
I'M SUFFOCATING
AND I'M SO ANGRY
I'M SO ANGRY AT EVERYONE CLOSE TO ME
BUT I'M MOST ANGRY AT MYSELF AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS ANGER IS COMING FROM AND I LOVE THE PEOPLE CLOSEST TO ME SO MUCH IT HURTS IN MY HEART
AND I CAN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF LOSING YOU
I'M SO SCARED OF EVERYONE LEAVING AND I'M SO FUCKING AFRAID OF ENDING THIS YEAR SUICIDAL AGAIN,
AS I DID LAST YEARI NEED HELP SO GODDAMN MUCH BUT I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER THE ONES I LOVE
SO I JUST KEEP SILENT
AND I TRY TO FIGURE THIS OUT ON MY OWN
I'M GONNA GET TROUGH THIS
I HAVE TO
IT'S GONNA GET BETTER
AND I'M SO SCARED BUT I HAVE TO TRUST IN MYSELF,
IN MY RESILIENCE,
IN MY INNER STRENGTHEVEN IF EVERYONE SHOULD LEAVE TOMORROW,
I STILL HAVE MYSELFI'M GONNA FIGHT TROUGH THIS
THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION
I'M NOT GIVING UP YET.
YOU ARE READING
Memoires of an everchanging spirit
Poetry„Memoir" (french: memory) //unfortunately, I can't turn off the swirling thoughts and memories in my head, but at the same time there is so much I never want to forget this is my life and I want to remember how I felt during these crucial moments w...